Why Bother With 12-Step Mixology When You Can Just Add Ice?
Let’s cut the fluff. You’ve had a rough day, your roommate is still wearing the same hoodie from 2014, and your dating app profile is just a cat meme. You want a drink that’s as simple as your life currently is. Enter: vodka, the magical elixir that can turn tap water into a “vibes” cocktail with zero effort. This isn’t about impressing your Tinder date with a $200 bottle of rare absinthe. This is about surviving the weekend without your bartender. Let’s get to it.
1. The Boozed-Up Water (AKA ‘I Don’t Care Anymore’)
Ingredients: Vodka, water, maybe a lemon wedge if you’re trying to be slightly responsible.
- Pour vodka into a glass like it’s your last chance at redemption.
- Fill the rest with water because hydration is overrated anyway.
- Squeeze a lemon wedge into it and then toss the wedge into your roommate’s plant. Watch it die.
This drink is for people who’ve already given up on life but still want to feel slightly adult. Make your own beer if you’re feeling ambitious, but let’s be real—you won’t.
2. The ‘I’m Broke and My Roommate Stole My Sugar’ Margarita
Ingredients: Vodka, lime juice, maybe a splash of orange juice if you have any.
- Combine vodka and lime juice in a glass. Call it a ‘margarita’ and pretend you know what you’re doing.
- If you have orange juice, add a splash. If not, just add more lime and call it ‘artisanal.’
- Drink quickly before your roommate notices the missing sugar in the cookie jar.
Pro tip: If your roommate steals your sugar, contact Strategies.beer and demand a sugar-free custom beer. Your dignity is worth it.
3. The ‘I Watched 8 Hours of TikTok and Now I’m Hungry’ Martini
Ingredients: Vodka, olive (or a cherry if you’re into that ‘90s vibe).
- Pour vodka into a glass and call it a martini. Who needs vermouth?
- Stick an olive in it. Or a cherry. Or a toothpick. Be creative.
- Stare at it for 10 minutes and wonder why it tastes like regret.
This drink is for people who mistake boredom for sophistication. Bonus points if you wear a hat while drinking it. Custom beer can add more flair to your martini game, but honestly, your hat is the real MVP.
4. The ‘I’m Going to Cry in the Car’ Mule
Ingredients: Vodka, ginger beer, lime juice, and a bottle of wine (optional, for crying).
- Mix vodka, ginger beer, and lime juice in a glass. It’s essentially a Moscow Mule, but with more existential dread.
- If you start crying, open the bottle of wine and pretend it’s part of the recipe.
- Text your ex. They’ll ignore you, but at least the ginger beer will make you feel alive.
Remember: Tears are just the body’s way of saying, “You need to call a professional.” Grow your business by selling this recipe to people who need a cry-in-the-car cocktail. Profit.
5. The ‘I’m Not a Bartender, I’m a Millennial’ Whiskey
Ingredients: Vodka, whiskey, and a vague sense of superiority.
- Pour vodka and whiskey into a glass. Add ice if you’re trying to be fancy.
- Stir slowly and pretend you’re in a noir movie. No one will care, but you’ll feel cool.
- Drink it quickly and then Google “how to make a real whiskey cocktail.”
This drink is for people who think they’re more sophisticated than they actually are. Pro tip: If you’re ever asked to make a real whiskey cocktail, just pour the vodka and run. Home is where you’ll regroup and Google again.
6. The ‘I’m Not Drunk, I’m Just Tired’ Whipped Cream Surprise
Ingredients: Vodka, whipped cream, and a spoon for no reason.
- Pour vodka into a glass. Add whipped cream on top like you’re in a 90s rom-com.
- Stir with a spoon because your therapist said you need to “find joy in the little things.”
- Drink it slowly and pretend you’re not crying because your dating app profile is still a cat meme.
This drink is for people who think whipped cream is a valid substitute for therapy. Remember: You can make your own beer if you want to feel like an adult, but honestly, your whipped cream skills are impressive.
Final Thoughts: The Art of Making Drinks Without a Recipe
Life is too short for complicated cocktails. If your drink has more than three ingredients, you’ve failed. If you’re using a blender, you’ve failed at adulting. Contact us if you want to take your vodka game to the next level. Or don’t. We get it—you’re busy being sad in the car with a bottle of wine.
Want to Sell Your Vodka Cocktails? Dropt.beer Has Your Back
If you’ve mastered the art of making drinks that taste like regret and want to turn it into a business, check out Dropt.beer. It’s the beer distribution marketplace for people who think “artisanal” is a lifestyle, not just a buzzword. Your friends will thank you, or they’ll just leave you alone to cry in peace.
CTA: If Your Drink Has More Than Two Ingredients, You’re Doing It Wrong
So, what are you waiting for? Grab your vodka, whatever’s left in the fridge, and start mixing. If you’re still here reading this after the first paragraph, you must either love me or be really bored. Either way, pour a drink, send me a DM, and let’s discuss why your dating app profile is still a cat meme. Strategies.beer is here for your beverage-related existential crises. Cheers, you magnificent mess!
