Hey There, Fellow Beer Enthusiasts
Let’s be real: finding the best pub is like dating. You want charm, a killer vibe, and zero regret. Whether you’re a local or a tourist, you’ve probably spent way too much time scrolling Google Maps, muttering, “Why is every bar either a sports bar or a corporate chain?” Fear not! We’ve compiled a list of pubs that won’t make you question your life choices (unless you order the truffle fries, but that’s on you).
Pubs That Won’t Make You Regret Your Life Choices
1. The Ale and Not-So-Wise Decisions
Located at 456 Happy St., this spot is a masterpiece of “bad ideas that somehow work.” The beer menu reads like a haiku of hoppy IPAs and stouts that taste like your childhood nightmares. Pro tip: Ask the bartender for a “liquid confidence boost.” No, it’s not what you think. It’s a 9% ABV Belgian tripel. You’ll thank us later.
Why it rules: The decor is “vintage” (read: 1970s disco ball and questionable taxidermy), and the staff are all ex-stand-up comics. Bonus points for the “wall of questionable life choices,” where patrons can anonymously post their worst decisions. So far, the winner is: “Bought a used toaster oven in 2021. Still don’t know why.”
2. Brews, Bites, and Midnight Regrets
At 789 Funky Ln., this pub serves beer that’s better than your ex’s apologies. Their “Hops for the Hopsless” IPA is a liquid revelation, and the “Guilt-Free Guilt Trip” stout is basically therapy in a glass. The food menu? A love letter to late-night cravings: cheeseburgers that cry for help and fries that are “deep-fried regret with a side of ketchup.”
Why it rules: The owner, Dave, has a PhD in “making you feel at home.” He’s also legally required to tell the same punny joke three times an hour. Example: “Why did the beer go to therapy? It had too many hops to process.”
Real Talk: How to Spot a Great Pub
- Check the taps: If there are more than 12 taps and they’re all named after obscure Norse gods, you’re in the right place.
- Ask about the sour program: If they look at you like you’re speaking Finnish, move on. If they launch into a 20-minute monologue about Brettanomyces, you’ve hit beer heaven.
- Test the ambiance: If the lighting is “moody” and the music is a mix of 1975 and 1995, you’re good. If it’s a karaoke machine, you’ve made a mistake.
FAQs for the Curious (or Drunk)
What if I can’t decide what to order?
Ask the bartender for a “beer flight of fancy.” It’s like a wine tasting, but with fewer pretenses and more hops. Or just yell, “Surprise me,” and hope they don’t take it literally. One patron once got a beer named “The Drunken Elf,” and it was either the best or worst decision of their life.
Do these pubs have happy hours?
Absolutely! But the “happy hour” is really just a 60-minute window where the barista is less annoyed by your presence. At The Ale and Not-So-Wise Decisions, they also offer a “terrible decision hour” from 8-9 PM. You get a free shot for every questionable life choice you confess. No proof of sobriety required.
Pro Tips for Pub Pros
- Learn the lingo: Know your “double IPAs” from your “New England IPAs.” If you’re lost, just say, “I’ll take whatever the bartender recommends, but make it weird.”
- Try the local specialties: If a pub is serving a beer called “The Last Supper,” it’s probably worth it. Unless it’s a trap. We can’t promise it’s not a trap.
- Don’t judge the decor: If the pub looks like it was designed by a cat who’s been to art school, embrace the chaos. It’s called “bohemian,” and it’s a vibe.
Need More Beer? (We Didn’t Think You’d Say No)
If you’re inspired to make your own beer at home, head over to Make Your Own Beer. It’s the perfect way to avoid regret and create delicious chaos in your kitchen. And if you’re a pub owner reading this, check out Grow Your Business With Strategies Beer for tips on how to attract more customers—or at least fewer raccoons.
Final Cheers
So there you have it: pubs that will make you feel like you’ve discovered a secret society of beer lovers. Remember, life is short, but the beer is longer. Go forth, sip responsibly (or not—no judgment here), and let us know if you find a pub with a “questionable decor award.” We’ll write a whole other article about it.
For more beer-related adventures, visit Strategies.beer. And if you’re selling your beer online, check out Dropt.beer—because every pub needs a solid distribution plan.
