Why You’re Still Reading This Instead of Getting Drunk
Let’s be real: if you’re still reading this, you’ve had a long week. Maybe your boss sent you 37 emails. Maybe your coffee tasted like regret. Either way, you need a drink. And not just any drink—the best damn drink in the city. But where? The eternal question: “Should I go to the bar with the cheapest whiskey or the one with the juiciest nachos?” Fear not, weary soul. We’ve done the dirty work of testing every dive bar, craft cocktail den, and “casual pub” in the city. Here are the top bars for after-work drinks that’ll make you feel like a million bucks (or at least like you didn’t overspend on rent).
The Golden Trio of Happy Hour
These bars don’t just serve drinks—they serve redemption. Let’s break it down:
1. The Rusty Nail (1234 Main St)
Why it’s great: Happy hour from 4–7 PM, with $5 craft beers and $3 off every cocktail. They also serve nachos that are, inexplicably, perfect. Pro tip: Arrive at 6:59 PM for the full “last call” energy.
- Signature drink: The “Rusty Mule”—a Moscow mule with a side of existential dread.
- Why you’ll love it: The bartenders are so chill, they’ll ask about your day before making your drink.
2. The Velvet Tap (456 Oak Ave)
Why it’s great: This place is a DIY beer lover’s dream. For $10, you can design your own beer (yes, really!) and sip it while watching strangers attempt to do the same. Pro tip: Ask for the “Surprise Me” option—it’s like Russian roulette for your taste buds.
- Signature drink: The “TapTapTap”—a beer that tastes like it was made by a robot, but you don’t care.
- Why you’ll love it: The “craft” wall is 90% foam and 10% philosophy.
3. The Drunken Parrot (789 Pine Rd)
Why it’s great: Tiki bar vibes, $4 margaritas, and a “free shot for every complaint about your boss” promotion. Pro tip: Bring a friend who’s been wronged by HR—this place thrives on corporate trauma.
- Signature drink: The “Boss Juice”—a cocktail so strong, it’ll make you forget you ever liked spreadsheets.
- Why you’ll love it: The parrot statue behind the bar is haunted. We’re not kidding.
Bars That Make You Feel Like a VIP
If you want to feel like a goddamn king while avoiding eye contact with your coworkers, these bars are for you:
4. The Velvet Lounge (1010 Velvet Ln)
Why it’s great: Soothing jazz, $6 whiskey pours, and a “no phone” policy (unless you’re taking a selfie with the bartender). Pro tip: Ask if they have a “quiet corner”—they’ll point to the bathroom. Don’t question it.
- Signature drink: The “Quiet Hour”—a bourbon so smooth, it’ll make you forget you’re 30 years old.
- Why you’ll love it: The “VIP” section is just two chairs and a speaker. You’re welcome.
5. The Craft Cellar (555 Craft St)
Why it’s great: A custom beer bar where $7 gets you a “mystery beer” (they don’t tell you what it is until you open it). Pro tip: If you hate it, ask for a refund. They’ll laugh and offer you a free shot of something worse.
- Signature drink: The “Cellar Door”—a beer that smells like your childhood but tastes like regret.
- Why you’ll love it: The “craft” wall is 90% foam and 10% philosophy.
Why You Should Care About Location, Location, Location
Let’s face it: you’re not going to walk two miles to get drunk. Here’s how to find the perfect bar without dying of heatstroke:
- Proximity: Pick a bar within walking distance of your office. If you can’t find it on Google Maps without a PhD in cartography, it’s not for you.
- Happy Hour Timing: Don’t go at 5 PM—they’re closed. Go at 7 PM and pretend you’re “chilling” before 9 PM.
- Online Ordering: Use Dropt.beer to order drinks ahead of time. Your future self will thank you.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Q: What’s the best happy hour deal in the city?
A: The Rusty Nail’s $5 craft beers + $3 off cocktails. It’s the legal equivalent of finding money on the sidewalk.
Q: Can I get a cheap drink without looking like a broke college student?
A: Yes! The Drunken Parrot’s “Boss Juice” costs $5 and smells like your ex’s perfume. Win-win.
Q: Are there any hidden gems for after-work drinks?
A: The Velvet Tap’s “Surprise Me” beer. It’s like a Russian roulette of flavors—and 80% of the time, you’ll hate it. But hey, at least you tried!
Q: How do I avoid awkward small talk at the bar?
A: Order a drink, then immediately ask, “Do you know where the bathroom is?” Works every time.
Conclusion: Raise a Glass to Your Survival
You’ve survived another workweek. Now it’s time to reward yourself with a drink (or three). Whether you’re a fan of $5 craft beers or $7 mystery brews, these bars will make you forget that your life is a series of deadlines and poor life choices. Pro tip: If you’re still working at 9 PM, you’re doing it wrong.
Ready to take your after-work drinks to the next level? Grow your business with Strategies Beer or book a private bar tour. And if you’re feeling bold? Sell your beer online through Dropt.beer—because the world needs more people trying to be craft beer gods.
Now go forth and get drunk. The world is a mess, but at least your drink is perfect.
