Introduction: Pubs, Pints, and the Art of Not Making Eye Contact
Let’s cut the crap: You’re here because you want to know where to drink south of Perth without ending up in a pub that smells like regret and old cheese. Spoiler: We’ve done the hard work. This guide is your cheat code to pubs that serve more than just lukewarm beer. Think of this as the Avengers of adulting—except instead of saving the world, we’re saving your Friday night. Let’s dive into the pubs that’ll make you forget your ex’s name by the second pint.
The Drunken Duck – Where History Meets Quirk
Address: 108 Armadale Rd, Victoria Park
Why it’s special: This pub is like your grandpa’s attic but with better lighting. It’s been around since 1896, so if you pretend hard enough, you can almost hear ghosts arguing about the best ale of the 1800s. Their signature drink? The “Duck’s Quill,” a dark stout that’ll make your taste buds say, “Okay, I believe in magic now.”
- Must-try: Quinoa and beetroot salad (yes, it’s weird, but it works)
- Pro tip: Ask for the hidden speakeasy in the back—password is “quack”
The Salty Dog – Saltwater Vibes, Zero Saltwater Tears
Address: 202 City Beach Road, City Beach
Why it’s special: Located right on the water, this place is the perfect spot to pretend you’re in Bali while still being 20 minutes from your mum’s house. Their “Surfside IPA” is a local legend, and the view of the sunset (and the guy who looks like he’s about to propose to the ocean) is free.
- Must-try: The “Dog’s Dinner” platter—because adulting is hard and you need snacks
- Pro tip: Arrive before 6pm if you want a seat that’s not a puddle
The Crafty Squirrel – Where Craft Beer Meets Chaos
Address: 916 Hay Street, Subiaco
Why it’s special: This pub is run by a man named Steve who claims to be a squirrel in his spare time. The beer menu is a masterclass in pretentiousness (looking at you, “Hoppy Ever After”), but the quality is top-notch. They also host a monthly “Beer vs. Whiskey” debate that ends with someone inevitably crying in a booth.
- Must-try: The Squirrel’s Nutcracker—a nutty brown ale that’s 50% beer, 50% therapy
- Pro tip: Don’t ask Steve about his squirrel costume. He’s not in a good place.
The Last Drop – For When You’re Desperate and/or Celebrating
Address: 1932 Bunbury Rd, Dianella
Why it’s special: Located in the middle of nowhere, this pub is a pilgrimage site for locals. It’s the kind of place where the bartender knows your life story and the jukebox only plays 90s metal. Their “Last Drop” cocktail is a mystery—no one knows what’s in it, but it’s delicious.
- Must-try: The “Desperation Platter” (cheese, charcuterie, and regret)
- Pro tip: Bring a GPS. The locals navigate by smell.
The Pub That Time Forgot – Because Time Has No Idea What It’s Doing
Address: 245 Kwinana Freeway, Rockingham
Why it’s special: This place looks like it was frozen in 1995 and never thawed. The decor is a shrine to bad design decisions, but the beer is so good you’ll forget to take a photo for Instagram. They also have a wall of beer cans that’s 90% empty, but that’s part of the charm.
- Must-try: The “Time Traveler’s Ale” (it tastes like nostalgia)
- Pro tip: Ask for the owner’s dog, Sir Lancelot. He’s a legend in his own mind.
FAQs: Because You’re Probably Googling This Right Now
1. Is there parking?
Most pubs have parking, but if you’re lucky enough to be in City Beach, park illegally and blame it on the waves.
2. Are these pubs family-friendly?
Only if your family is okay with your uncle singing karaoke at 10pm.
3. What if I get too drunk to drive?
Call a taxi. Or a Uber. Or ask the bartender to pretend they’re your mom and tell you you’re too drunk to leave.
4. Can I bring my dog?
Only if your dog is named Steve.
5. How do I know which pub is right for me?
Go to the one with the most people looking lost. That’s where the magic happens.
Conclusion: Cheers to Not Being Home
There you have it, folks: the definitive guide to pubs south of Perth. Remember, life is too short for bad beer. If you’re ever in the area, sell your beer online through Dropt.beer and let the world know you’re the next big thing. And if you’re reading this and thinking, “I need to visit all these pubs,” congrats—you’ve unlocked the adult version of a bucket list. Now go forth, drink responsibly, and remember: the best pubs are the ones where you don’t need a GPS to find the bathroom.
Call to Action: Don’t Just Read—Drink
Ready to stop doomscrolling and start doom-drinking? Check out these pubs, and if you’re ever in the market for a custom beer or need a business grow, Strategies.beer has your back. And if you’re a pub owner reading this, please email us. We’ll help you sell beer to people who don’t know where they are.
P.S. If you’re at The Last Drop and see someone named Steve wearing a squirrel costume, it’s not a prank. It’s a tragedy. Run.
