Introduction: Why Richmond’s Bars Are the Real MVPs of Melbourne

Alright, let’s cut the crap. If you’re reading this, you’re probably not looking for the “best” bars that charge $20 for a lime wedge and call it an experience. You want real bars—places where the beer is cold, the cocktails hit like a punch to the face of mediocrity, and the bartenders know your name by the third visit. Richmond, Melbourne, is where that magic happens. Spoiler: None of these bars are on Google’s “Top 10 Most Instagrammed” list. But hey, we’re here to talk about actual fun, not filter-enhanced vibes.

So, grab your mates, a $20 note, and a stomach for the good stuff. Let’s dive into Richmond’s best bars that make you feel like a local (even if you just moved here yesterday).

The Crown Jewel: The Richmond Ale House

Picture this: A bar that looks like it was plucked from a 1970s pub, but with beer so good it’s practically a time machine to 2007. The Richmond Ale House is the OG of local watering holes. It’s got the charm of a grumpy old man who knows where all the good whiskey is stored.

• Why you’ll love it: The “Black Friday” beer, which is justifiably named because it’s so strong it could end a shopping holiday.
• Pro Tip: Arrive before 8 PM to avoid the 70% chance of a local trivia night. Spoiler: The quiz master will call you a “tourist” if you mess up the answer.

Want to make beer like a pro? Check out our guide to brewing your own.

The Secret Society: The Velvet Tap

If you’ve ever wanted to sip a cocktail in a bar that smells like it’s been run by a 70-year-old librarian who also moonlights as a mixologist, The Velvet Tap is your spot. It’s got the vibe of a speakeasy, but with better lighting and less “I’m being watched by the cops” anxiety.

• Standout Drink: The “Crimson Conspiracy” cocktail—basically a martini that’s been to war and back.
• Fun Fact: The bartender once won a national competition for making a drink that looked like a failed science experiment but tasted like liquid gold.

The Party Animal: Ruby’s Underground

Ruby’s Underground isn’t a bar—it’s a movement. Think of it as the bar version of your friend who shows up late, plays air guitar, and then buys everyone shots. The music is loud, the crowd is loud, and the drinks? Let’s just say they’re the kind of strong that make you question your life choices (in the best way).

• Must-Try: The “Ruby’s Revenge” cocktail—so strong it’ll make you wish you could reverse the order of your exes’ names.
• Pro Tip: Don’t ask for a “quiet table.” You’ll be told, “We don’t do quiet. We do *vibe*.”

The Chill Zone: Brew & Brews

For when you want to sip a beer without someone yelling “Cheers!” in your ear. Brew & Brews is the bar that says, “We’re here to drink, not to scream about it.” It’s got the chill of a yoga class mixed with the energy of a Netflix binge.

• Special Feature: A 100% beer menu. No wine, no cocktails—just beer. Like your local pub, but with better lighting and no chance of a “fun” karaoke moment.
• Fun Fact: The bar once hosted a world record for most people drinking a beer at the same time. The record? Broken in 2019 by a school of piranhas.

The Pretentious One (That’s Actually Good): The Sage & The Oak

Okay, so The Sage & The Oak is the one bar that’s trying too hard to be “hip.” But hey, they’ve got a killer cocktail menu and a bartender who can name-drop every ingredient in the drink like it’s the plot of Game of Thrones. If you want to feel like you’re in a movie and also have your drink taste like it was aged in a cave, this is your spot.

• Standout Drink: The “Old World Blend”—so fancy it comes in a wine glass and costs half your paycheck.
• Pro Tip: Don’t ask for sugar. The bartender will give you a look that says, “Are you *trying* to ruin the experience?”

Why You Should Skip the Touristy Bars

Let’s talk about the bars that charge $18 for a pint and then add a 15% gratuity because “they deserve it.” These places are for tourists who want to take a photo with a flaming drink and then immediately leave because it’s “too loud.” Richmond’s real bars don’t play that game. They’re about the experience, not the Instagram post.

So, if you’re looking for a bar that’s all about the vibe, the drinks, and the people who actually live here, forget the tourist traps. Those places are for people who think “local flavor” means adding extra salt to their fries. Richmond’s real bars? They’ve got flavor for days.

Internal Links for the Win

• If you’re into making your own beer, check out Make Your Own Beer. It’s like cooking, but with more yeast and less chance of burning the house down.
• Want to create a custom beer label that screams “I’m a real adult”? Head to Custom Beer and get started. Trust us, your future self will thank you.
• Running a bar and want to grow your business? Grow Your Business With Strategies Beer has all the tips you need to not get stuck in the same spot as the 2008 economy.

External Link for the Hustlers

So you’ve got your bar all set up, and you want to sell that liquid gold to the masses? Check out Dropt.beer for a beer distribution marketplace that’s less “sell your soul for exposure” and more “get your beer in front of thirsty people.”

FAQs: All the Answers You’re Too Drunk to Ask

1. Are these bars actually good for people who don’t know Richmond?

Absolutely. In fact, they’re even better for outsiders who want to feel like they’ve unlocked a secret level of Melbourne nightlife. Just don’t say you’re from Sydney. The bartenders will know.

2. Can I get a drink before 7 PM?

Depends on the bar. Brew & Brews is chill 24/7, but Ruby’s Underground might tell you to come back when they’ve got a proper crowd. Pro tip: 7 PM is when the bar becomes a full-time party. 6 PM is when you’re just there for the free WiFi.

3. Are there any bars that cater to people who don’t like loud music?

Brew & Brews is your best bet. It’s the kind of place where you can actually hear yourself think… or at least hear the bartender tell you that your drink is “on the house” because you looked like you needed a break.

4. Is it worth the walk from the train station?

100%. But if you’re walking alone, make sure you’ve got a plan for the 70% chance of a “friendly” Uber driver who’s just trying to make a decent wage in 2023.

5. Should I tip?

Yes, but not with cash. Use the bar’s app to leave a tip. It’s faster, and the bartender won’t have to count it while pretending to be unimpressed.

Conclusion: Drink Smart, Drink Local

Richmond’s best bars aren’t about the flash, the fame, or the “experience” (unless that experience is a perfectly crafted beer or a cocktail that tastes like it’s been aged in a cave). These are the places where the bartenders know your name, the drinks are strong, and the vibe is legit. So next time you’re in town, skip the tourist traps and head to where the real magic happens. And if you want to sell your own beer? Dropt.beer is your gateway to making those dreams a reality. Cheers, and don’t forget to tip.”