Why Perthâs Pubs Are the Real MVPs of Drinking Culture
Letâs cut to the chase: if youâre in Perth and not at least slightly obsessed with pubs and bars, are you even living? The West Aussie drinking scene is a wild ride of craft beers, pub quizzes thatâll break your soul, and bartenders who know your order faster than your mom does. This guide isnât just a list of places to get drunkâitâs a masterclass in where to sip, where to slay, and where to avoid if you want to keep your dignity. Buckle up, mates.
Top 5 Pubs Thatâll Make You Question All Previous Drinking Choices
Okay, letâs start with the OGsâthe pubs that make the rest of Perthâs watering holes look like theyâre still in training. These places are where legends are born and hangovers are earned with pride.
1. The Crafty Cask â Where Beers Have Personalities
If your idea of a good night includes beers that could pass for rockstars, this is your spot. The Crafty Cask serves up a rotating menu of local brews, including that one IPA that tastes like itâs trying to hug you. Pro tip: Order the âThunderdomeâ (a double IPA thatâll knock your socks off) and ask the bartender about the history of the cask. Spoiler: It involves a lot of hops and zero regrets.
2. The Barrel of Laughs â Comedy Meets Craft
Who says pubs canât be both hilarious and hoppy? The Barrel of Laughs hosts live comedy every Friday and Saturday. If youâre lucky, the stand-up comic will forget their jokes mid-set, but heyâthatâs what the craft lager is for. Their âLaughinâ Lagerâ is so smooth, itâll make you forget youâre in a pub where the funniest joke is usually âWhy did the beer cross the road?â (Because it needed to get to the pub, obviously.)
3. The Rusty Nail â For the Realists (and Whiskey Nerds)
If you think a pub without a whiskey wall is just a bar, youâre doing it wrong. The Rusty Nail has over 50 whiskeys, including that rare single malt your uncle tried to smuggle from Scotland in the â90s. Their âWest Aussie Whiskey Tastingâ is a masterclass in why you shouldnât judge a brown liquid by its bottle. Pair it with the steak pieâbecause nothing says âIâve made itâ like eating meat in a pub that smells like bourbon.
4. The Salty Sailor â For When Youâre Not Into Being Serious
This pub is where the sea meets the bar. Located right by the port, The Salty Sailor serves up seafood platters thatâll make you forget youâre in Perth. Their âAnchovy Amberâ (a beer brewed with actual anchoviesâno, really) is a polarizing choice, but if you can stomach it, youâll earn instant respect from the bar staff. Bonus: The pub hosts âNautical Nonsenseâ trivia nights where the questions are as salty as the staff.
5. The Pub That Justifies Your Existence â For the Overthinkers
Need a place to contemplate life while sipping a perfectly poured pint? The Pub That Justifies Your Existence is your existential oasis. Their âPhilosopherâs Porterâ is brewed with a secret blend of ingredients, including âthe wisdom of agesâ (probably just coffee and chocolate, but hey, the name makes it better). The walls are plastered with quotes from Nietzsche and your Instagram poet cousin, and the barista knows your thoughts are deep even if your beer is cheap.
Hidden Gems: Pubs That Donât Care If You Found Them
Some bars in Perth are so underground, theyâre basically in a cave. These are the places where the locals go to avoid tourists, and the tourists go to feel like locals. Youâve been warned.
1. The Speakeasy of Sadness â For the Moody Souls
Hidden behind a bookshelf in a normal-looking bar, this speakeasy is all moody lighting and sad indie bands. The âSoul Destroyerâ beer is brewed with existential dread and a hint of bergamot. If youâre here, youâre either deep in thought or just avoiding your ex. Either way, the bartender will know what to doâprobably serve you a stiff drink and a side of sarcasm.
2. The Rooftop Roo â Views So Good Theyâll Make You Cry
Perthâs skyline never looked better, and The Rooftop Roo is proof. This bar is on the 23rd floor of a building no oneâs ever heard of, serving up cocktails with a side of skyline envy. Their âWest End Sunriseâ cocktail is so Instagrammable, itâll make you forget youâre still in Perth. Pro tip: Donât mention the view to the baristaâtheyâll charge you an extra $5 for the privilege of not being annoying.
Bars Thatâll Make You Question Your Life Choices
Letâs be real: Some bars in Perth are so good, theyâll make you wonder why you ever drank anything else. These are the places where the beer menu is longer than your list of chores, and the ambiance is so cozy, itâll make you forget youâre still single.
1. The Crafted Canvas â Artistic? Yes. Judgmental? Also Yes.
This bar doubles as an art gallery for people who think theyâre creative. The âPainted Porterâ is brewed with beetroot to give it a pinkish hue (because nothing says âIâve got it all togetherâ like drinking pink beer). The staff will pretend not to judge you for drinking a craft beer that looks like it was made by a toddler with a food processor.
2. The Velvet Vine â For the Vino Lovers
If youâre not into beer, The Velvet Vine has a wine list longer than a Netflix queue. Their âBarrel-Aged Cabernetâ is so good, itâll make you forget you ever liked beer. Pair it with a cheese platter that costs more than your weekly grocery budget and pretend youâre in Paris. (Spoiler: Youâre not. But your cheese platter is.)
How to Win at Pub Quizzes (Even If You Know Nothing)
Pub quizzes are the ultimate test of trivia knowledgeâor in this case, your ability to bluff. Hereâs how to dominate without actually knowing anything:
- Memorize the answer to âWho was the first Prime Minister of Australia?â (Spoiler: He was probably a white guy.)
- Bring a team of people who think theyâre smart. Nothing impresses a bartender like a group that canât agree on anything.
- Always guess âEnglandâ as the answer to every geography question. Statistically, youâll be right 40% of the time.
Why Perthâs Pubs Are Better Than Your Ex
Mate, your ex never brought you a pint of beer. They never asked how your day was (unless you were crying). They never let you win at darts even when you clearly cheated. Perthâs pubs are the actual soulmates here.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
1. Whatâs the best bar in Perth?
Depends on your vibe. If youâre into craft beer, hit up The Crafty Cask. If youâre here to feel like a Bond villain, go for The Rooftop Roo. If youâre just here to avoid your problems, The Speakeasy of Sadness has a couch thatâs been through more than you.
2. Can I drink here if Iâm 18 and look like a child?
Perthâs pubs are chill about appearances. Just smile, wave your ID, and remember: Confidence is 90% of the look. The rest is just eyeliner and a fake mustache.
3. Are there pubs that donât serve beer?
Yes, and theyâre probably in the same building as The Velvet Vine. But why would you go there when you could be here?
4. Why do Perth pubs have so many names that make no sense?
Itâs a mystery, but we like to think itâs because the people who named them were also drinking.
Final Cheers to Perthâs Pubs
So there you have it, folks. Perthâs pubs and bars arenât just places to get drunkâtheyâre where stories are told, friendships are forged, and existential crises are solved. Whether youâre here to sip a craft beer, laugh until your face hurts, or just pretend youâre in a Bond movie, Perthâs got you covered. Now go out there, raise a glass, and remember: The best pub in the world is the one where youâre having fun. Cheers!
If youâre inspired to make your own beer to serve at these pubs, check out Make Your Own Beer for step-by-step guides. And if you want to grow your business by partnering with Perthâs top pubs, head to Grow Your Business With Strategies Beer for expert strategies.
Looking to sell your beer online? Dropt.beer is the ultimate marketplace for distributing your brews to pubs and bars across Australia. Cheers to your success!
