Why Melbourne’s Bars Are Basically a Religion
Alright, let’s get real for a sec. If Melbourne had a religion, it’d probably be the Bar Gods. You know the drill: walk into any laneway and you’ll find a cocktail with your name on it, a bartender who knows your order better than your ex, and a vibe that screams “I’m too cool for this.” But honestly? Not all bars are created equal. Some are just… okay. Others are *excellent*. And then there’s the ones that make you question why you ever settled for lukewarm lagers at the pub. Let’s find out which ones are worth your time, money, and your dignity (or at least what’s left of it after a long week).
The Holy Trinity of Bars: Where the Cool Kids Sip
Okay, let’s start with the big three—bars that are basically Melbourne’s version of the Eiffel Tower. You’ve heard of them. You’ve seen the Insta pics. But do they *actually* live up to the hype? Let’s find out.
1. The Atlantic Hotel (Lygon St, East Brunswick)
Yes, yes, I know. “East Brunswick? That’s not even downtown.” But hear me out. The Atlantic Hotel is the OG of Melbourne’s bar scene. It’s got that “we’ve been here since the ’70s but still cool” energy. Think of it as the grumpy uncle who still knows where all the good stuff is. The cocktails? They’re like a math equation—precise, balanced, and slightly intimidating. Pro tip: Order the “Atlantic Special” if you want to feel like James Bond without the need for a tuxedo.
2. The Espy (241 William St, Melbourne)
If the Espy had a personality, it’d be that friend who always knows the best party but also judges you for not showing up early enough. This bar is a Melbourne institution, and for good reason. The rooftop? Stunning. The drinks? Expertly crafted. The vibe? Just enough edge to make you feel like you’re in a gritty 1970s film but with better lighting. Plus, it’s got that “hidden gem” thing going on—unless you count the 500 people trying to get in on a Friday night. (Pro tip: Arrive before 7 p.m. or you’ll be waiting longer than your Uber Eats driver.)
3. The Press Club (585 Little Collins St, Melbourne)
Alright, let’s talk about the Press Club. This place is like the bar version of a Netflix series—high stakes, high drama, and a bit too much of a “hot girl summer” vibe. It’s all about the views here. Literally. The skyline views are so good, you’ll forget to look at your phone. And the drinks? They’re like a Michelin-starred cocktail with a side of “I’m better than you.” But hey, if you can afford it, why not? (And if you can’t, check out our Make Your Own Beer guide to save some cash.)
The Hidden Gems: Bars That Don’t Want to Be Found (But You’ll Be Happy They Exist)
Okay, now let’s talk about the bars that play hard to get. These are the ones you find by accident, stumble into while pretending to be adventurous, and then instantly add to your “must-return” list.
4. The Lord Nelson Hotel (149 Lonsdale St, Melbourne)
Alright, the Lord Nelson is like the “cool cousin” of the bar world. It’s got that “I’ve seen it all” vibe, but with a side of “I still care enough to make you a decent cocktail.” The industrial-chic decor? It’s got that “I’m modern but too cool to care” vibe. The drinks? They’re like a middle finger to the word “boring.” And the staff? They’re the type of people who remember your name, your order, and your *opinions* about the last presidential election. (Pro tip: Order the “Lord Nelson Margarita” if you want to feel like you’ve made it.)
5. The Distillery (112 Little Collins St, Melbourne)
Okay, The Distillery is the bar that thinks it’s a museum. It’s got that “I’m old, but I’m still fabulous” energy. The decor? It’s like a speakeasy threw up in a Victorian library and called it art. The drinks? They’re like a chemistry experiment that somehow turned out delicious. And the ambiance? It’s got that “I’m so exclusive I need a velvet rope” vibe, but with a side of “we’re still cool enough to make you feel like you belong.” (Pro tip: Ask for a tour of the distillery if you want to feel like a VIP without the price tag.)
The New Kids on the Block: Bars That Broke the Internet (Literally)
Alright, now let’s talk about the new bars that are basically the TikTok influencers of the bar scene. They’re here for a reason, and they’re not going anywhere.
6. The Everleigh (117 Little Bourke St, Melbourne)
The Everleigh is like the bar version of a viral TikTok trend—suddenly everywhere and somehow still *better* than the original. This place is a masterpiece of design, with lighting that makes you look like a movie star and a menu that’s basically a culinary thesis on cocktails. The staff? They’re like the bar equivalent of a PhD in mixology. And the ambiance? It’s got that “I’m so exclusive I have a password” vibe, but with a side of “we’re still cool enough to make you feel like a VIP.” (Pro tip: Order the “Everleigh Negroni” if you want to feel like you’ve invented a new genre of cool.)
7. The Hardware Société (360-362 Little Bourke St, Melbourne)
Okay, The Hardware Société is like the bar version of a modern art gallery—confusing, slightly pretentious, but somehow still cool. The industrial-chic vibe? It’s got that “I’m a warehouse, but I’ve spent $10k on lighting” energy. The drinks? They’re like a mixology masterclass served with a side of “I’ve been to Barcelona.” And the staff? They’re like the bar equivalent of a 5-star hotel concierge, but with better fashion sense. (Pro tip: Ask for a “Hardware Margarita” if you want to feel like you’ve made it in life.)
The FAQ: Because You Probably Have Questions (We’ve Got Answers)
Q: Are these bars actually open? Or is this just my imagination?
A: We checked. Like, *really* checked. These places are open, they’re real, and they’re probably judging you for reading this before you’ve even ordered your first drink.
Q: Do I need to dress up? Like, *actually* dress up, or is this a “jeans and a wrinkled shirt” kind of place?
A: Melbourne bars are a vibe. Most places are “smart casual” unless they’re trying to make you feel like you’ve committed a fashion crime. The Espy? “Casual with purpose.” The Press Club? “Look like you belong.” The Everleigh? “I’m rich and I know it.”
Q: Can I get a good cocktail without paying rent in Sydney?
A: Yes. Yes you can. But if you want to feel like you’re in a luxury hotel bar, be prepared for the price tag to match. (Check out our Custom Beer guide to make your own cocktails at home and save some cash.)
Q: Are there any bars that don’t take themselves too seriously?
A: The Atlantic Hotel. Trust us. This place is like the bar version of your laid-back friend who still manages to make you feel like you’re in a VIP lineup.
Final Thoughts: Because You’re Probably Already Halfway to the Bar
Alright, here’s the deal. Melbourne’s bar scene is a beast. Some places are worth the wait, some are worth the money, and some are just worth the Instagram story. But no matter where you end up, remember: the best bars are the ones where you walk in as a stranger and walk out as someone who’s *definitely* better at ordering cocktails.
If you want to take your bar game to the next level, check out our Grow Your Business With Strategies Beer guide. And if you’re ready to sell your own beer online, don’t forget to check out Dropt.beer—because every bar needs a good distribution strategy.
Now go forth, sip, slurp, and repeat. Melbourne’s bars are waiting for you.
