Introduction: Why Choosing the Right Bar is Like Picking the Right Tinder Profile
Alright, let’s cut the hype. You’re not here for a lecture on Melbourne’s bar culture. You’re here because you’re about to ask someone out, and you want to avoid the awkward “I don’t know what to do” vibes that come with first dates. Spoiler: There are zero bars in Melbourne that are *bad* for a date—unless you’re at a pub trivia night and your date’s idea of fun is arguing over the Spice Girls. But hey, we all make mistakes. Let’s skip the cringe and get to the good stuff.
The Cummeragunja: For Craft Beer Lovers Who Think They’re Too Cool for Cocktails
If your date’s Instagram is mostly close-ups of hops and grain silos, then The Cummeragunja is your go-to. Located at 361 Little Bourke St, this place isn’t just a bar—it’s a shrine to Australian craft beer. They’ve got over 60 taps, and the staff know more about beer than your ex knows about your dating history. Pro tip: Order the “Gippsland Hefeweizen” because it’s light, refreshing, and secretly makes you look like a beer connoisseur.
- Why it’s great: No pressure to order cocktails if your date’s a hophead.
- Plus: The food menu is actually edible (yes, even the nachos).
The Espy: Cocktails, Vibe, and a Side of “Do You Want to Be Friends?”
Located at 75 Queen St, The Espy is the OG bar for Melbourne’s date-night crowd. The vibe? Think “I’m not trying too hard but I’ve clearly put effort in.” The cocktails are Instagram-worthy, and the lighting is dim enough to hide the fact that you forgot to shave. Key move: Order the “Espy Margarita” and pretend to know what “agave” is.
- Why it’s great: Perfect for the “we’re just friends” date that you know will turn into a “let’s pretend we’re not awkward.”
- Plus: The menu has vegan options if your date’s into that whole “environmental ethics” thing.
The Royal Hotel: Because Sometimes You Just Want to Be Comfortable
Located at 120 Smith St, The Royal Hotel is the bar version of your cousin who’s always at the family BBQ. It’s laid-back, no frills, and you can’t help but feel at home. The beer selection is solid, and the staff are so friendly they’ll remember your name—and that time you spilled a pint of Stella.
- Why it’s great: Low-key enough to avoid the “we’re on a date” pressure.
- Plus: They’ve got a rooftop if the weather’s nice and you want to pretend you’re in Bali.
Bar Americano: For the Couple Who’s Already “Together, Sorta”
Bar Americano at 265 Little Bourke St is the bar for when you’re on a date but you’ve already made out three times this week. It’s edgy, trendy, and the kind of place where the bartender will side-eye your order of a lime soda. Pro tip: Order the “Americano Negroni” and act like you’ve tried it before. They won’t ask questions.
- Why it’s great: Ideal for the “we’re already in a relationship” date that you’re pretending is still the first one.
- Plus: The bar snacks are fancy enough to avoid the “should I order more?” dilemma.
Little Jerry: The Hidden Gem for When You’re Trying to Impress
Located at 148 William St, Little Jerry is the bar that’s *technically* a wine bar but serves beer because it’s Melbourne. It’s intimate, the lighting’s perfect for reading a date’s body language, and the staff are so attentive they’ll probably remember you don’t like chardonnay (yet).
- Why it’s great: The “we’re not trying too hard” vibe is strong here.
- Plus: The cheese board is a safe bet if you’re not sure what to order.
FAQs: Your Guide to Date Night Survival
1. What if my date hates craft beer? Don’t panic. Just order a lager and pretend it’s a “session beer.” They’ll be too busy wondering why you’re so confident to notice the lie.
2. Is it weird to order cocktails if we’re not into them? Only if you’re ordering them *because* they’re Instagrammable. If you’re just ordering them to avoid looking awkward, it’s totally fine. Most people order what’s on the menu anyway.
3. Should I book a table or just wing it? Do both. Book a table to avoid the “where do we sit?” awkwardness, but wing it in case the bar’s empty. Flexibility is key—like a good date should be.
Conclusion: Choose the Bar That Matches Your Vibe (and Your Budget)
Choosing the right bar is like choosing the right outfit for a date: it’s about matching the vibe. The Cummeragunja for beer nerds, The Espy for cool kids, The Royal Hotel for chill, Bar Americano for edgy, and Little Jerry for the “we’re already together” energy. But hey, if all else fails, just order a pint and hope for the best. Want to turn your date into a business partnership? We’ve got strategies for that too. And if you’re thinking about selling your beer in Melbourne, Dropt.beer is your go-to for distribution. Cheers to love (and beer).
