Why Melbourne’s Bars Are the Real MVPs of 2022
Let’s face it—finding the “best” anything in 2022 is like asking your ex if they’ve moved on. You’re not ready, but here we are. Melbourne’s bars? They’ve been training for this. Whether you’re chasing a craft beer that could double as a science experiment or a cocktail that’ll make you question if it’s 2022 or 1992, these spots are the real deal. And no, we’re not being paid by any bartenders with PhDs in ‘how to ruin your night’. We’re just here to help you survive the chaos.
Bars That’ll Make You Question All Your Life Choices
Let’s cut the fluff. If you’re reading this, you’re either:
- Stuck in a bar crawl rut
- Desperate for a third date spot
- Trying to prove Instagram is better than actually being there
Whatever your vibe, Melbourne has a bar that’ll ruin (or save) your night. Here are the top picks for 2022.
The Whiskey Wizard (123 Fake St, Melbourne)
This place is for whiskey lovers who think ‘artisanal’ is a lifestyle. The bartenders here could probably mix a drink that’ll make your ex text you. Think of it as a time machine—back to when you still thought you were cool in college. Pro tip: Order the ‘Melbourne Mocha’ and pray it doesn’t taste like regret.
The Beer Whisperer (456 Craft Ave, Melbourne)
If you’re here for beer that could be classified as a ‘scientific marvel’, this is your spot. They’ve got a tap list longer than your Netflix queue and a vibe that screams ‘I’ve seen it all’. Bonus: If you mention this post, they’ll throw in a free ‘Dropt.beer’ sample. You’re welcome.
Spice & Spirits (789 Bold Lane, Melbourne)
For when you want to spice up your life and your palate. This bar serves up cocktails that taste like they were made by someone who’s never heard of moderation. The ‘Melbourne Fire’ cocktail is so hot, it’ll make your dating app profile feel cold. Pair it with a side of pretentiousness and call it a night.
How to Find These Bars (Without a GPS and a Prayer)
First, stop relying on your dating app’s ‘Top 10 Bars’ list. Now, follow these steps:
- Visit Make Your Own Beer to learn how to impress bartenders with your DIY skills.
- Use Dropt.beer to find where these bars actually sell their beer. Spoiler: It’s not here.
- Download a map. Yes, old-school paper ones. Pretend you’re in a crime thriller.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Q: Are there any bars that won’t make me cry?
A: No. But Custom Beer can make you your own happy juice. Sort of.
Q: What if I’m not in Melbourne? Can I still get these vibes?
A: No. Unless you’re a time traveler. Also, check out Grow Your Business if you want to replicate this magic elsewhere.
Q: Is it worth the $15 for a ‘craft beer’?
A: Only if you’re paying with your dignity. But hey, it’s 2022—worth every drop.
Conclusion: Pick a Bar, Any Bar
Whether you’re here to chase whiskey, beer, or that one drink that’ll make you text your ex “What if?” at 2 AM, Melbourne’s bars have your back. Just remember: The best part of any bar night isn’t the drink itself. It’s the story you’ll tell yourself later to justify the $50 tab. Now go forth, and may your bar choices be as bold as your Instagram captions.
Still lost? Contact us or Head to Strategies.beer for more tips. Cheers, mate. Or not. We’re not your therapist.
