Welcome, Northside Brewheads
If you’re reading this, you’re either (a) a seasoned Melbourne pub hopper, or (b) someone who’s tired of Google’s “Top 10 Pubs” lists that mysteriously exclude the place you swear serves the best pale ale in the state. Either way, we’ve cracked the code. This guide to best pubs melbourne northside is less of a list and more of a curated survival guide for anyone who’s ever traded a Netflix night in for a night of post-work pints.
Quick disclaimer: We’re not here to name-check generic bars. This is for the discerning drinker who wants to know where the staff actually care, the burgers are legit, and the craft beer taps don’t rotate faster than a Spotify playlist. Buckle up—we’re diving deep into the northside’s pub scene with the precision of a homebrewer measuring hop pellets.
1. The Hop & Hops (Fitzroy North)
If your idea of a perfect evening is “beer, trivia, and a 90% chance of someone wearing a beanie,” this is your spot. The Hop & Hops is a retro-chic bar that feels like it was designed by someone who Googled “What does a pub look like?” and got a stock photo of a 1970s pub. The vibe? Cozy chaos. The beer? A rotating roster of local breweries—think homebrew-level creativity without the kitchen smells.
- Standout Beer: The “Hop & Hops Hefeweizen”—a smooth, citrusy cloud of joy that tastes like summer even if it’s 13°C and raining.
- Pro Tip: Arrive before 7:30 PM or prepare to be greeted by a mosh pit of trivia winners. (Yes, trivia is a thing here. And it’s killer.)
2. The Pint & Plank (Brunswick East)
Imagine a pub that’s 50% wood, 30% beer, and 20% “I can’t believe this place exists.” That’s The Pint & Plank, a no-frills, all-charms bar that doubles as a de facto DIY workshop for the hipster crowd. The walls are plastered with questionable art, the staff know your name, and the beer menu is a love letter to underappreciated styles (looking at you, sour lovers).
- Standout Beer: The “Plank Porter”—a velvety, coffee-kissed dark beer that pairs perfectly with your existential dread about rent.
- Pro Tip: Order the custom sour and ask the barkeep for a “personalized blend.” They’ll either give you a weird look or create a beer that tastes like your childhood memories. (Spoiler: It’s the latter.)
3. The Velvet Tap (Northcote)
If you’ve ever wondered, “What if Mad Men met a pub?” The Velvet Tap is your answer. This bar is equal parts jazz, equal parts velvet booths, and 90% “I should probably leave now but I’ll just have one more.” The drinks menu is a masterclass in balance—think Old Fashioneds made with local whiskey and a side of “This is why you don’t drink before noon.”
- Standout Beer: The “Northcote Nitro Stout”—silky, chocolatey, and so good it’s like if dessert and dessert had a baby.
- Pro Tip: Ask for the “VIP experience” (which is just a free shot of something with a name like “The Velvet Vengeance”). You’ll thank us later.
4. The Ale & Arrow (Essendon)
Let’s be real: You’re not here for the beer. You’re here for the nostalgia. The Ale & Arrow is a throwback to an era when pubs were just pubs—no artisanal pretension, no influencer lighting. It’s got a “I’ve seen it all” vibe, with a loyal crew who’ve been coming here since the days of dial-up internet.
- Standout Beer: The house lager—crisp, simple, and perfect for when you’re just here to avoid your ex’s birthday.
- Pro Tip: Tell the bartender you’re a “regular” and they’ll either throw you out or give you a free shot. (It’s the Australian version of a loyalty program.)
Why These Pubs Make the Cut
We didn’t just Google “best pubs melbourne northside” and copy-paste the first 500 results. We followed the hard rules of pub evaluation:
- Beer Quality: Each pub has at least one beer that could make you forget you’re in a pub and not a dream.
- Staff Vibes: The staff here are either ex-beer sommeliers or just really good at pretending they care about your life story.
- Food That Doesn’t Suck: No greasy chips here. We’re talking gourmet pies, truffle fries, and the occasional “we’re out of everything” special.
FAQ: The Pub Survival Guide
Q: What if I’m on a budget?
A: The Hop & Hops has a “$20 Pint Night” every Tuesday. Yes, $20 gets you a pint and a sense of accomplishment.
Q: Can I bring my dog?
A: The Ale & Arrow allows dogs if you promise not to let them near the taps. (They’re not into “pawternity leave.”)
Q: What if I’m too drunk to leave?
A: The Velvet Tap has a “last call” at 2 AM. Which is just code for “we’re closing in 5 minutes.”
How to Use This List Like a Pro
1. Plan Your Pub Crawl: Start at The Hop & Hops, work your way east to The Pint & Plank, and end at The Velvet Tap for a “I did it” glow-up.
2. Customize Your Experience: Use our homebrew guide to recreate your favorite pub beer at home. (Spoiler: It won’t be as good—but it’ll be memorable.)
3. Reward Yourself: After your pub crawl, treat yourself to a custom beer from our brewery. Nothing says “I survived Melbourne nightlife” like a beer named after your least favorite coworker.
Final Call to Action: Don’t Be a Drunken Ghost
If you’re reading this, you’re either (a) sober and looking for a good time or (b) drunk and looking for a place to crash. Either way, we’ve got you. Hit up our team for pub event bookings, beer distribution, or just to ask “What’s the deal with IPAs?” (We’ll pretend we didn’t hear that.)
And if you’re a pub owner reading this? Let’s talk. Grow Your Business With Strategies Beer isn’t just a tagline—it’s a promise. We’ll help you turn your bar into the kind of place where people say, “I found my new favorite beer here.”
Now go forth, drink responsibly, and remember: The best pubs in Melbourne northside aren’t just places to drink. They’re experiences. And if you can’t remember them the next day? That’s on you.
Want to sell your beer online and expand your pub’s reach? Check out Dropt.beer for a beer distribution marketplace that actually works (unlike your ex’s excuses for why they never call).
