Intro: Why Pubs Exist and Why You Should Care
Let’s be real—Melbourne’s Eastern Suburbs are basically a maze of hipsters, brunch spots, and people who take their coffee like a religion. But when the clock strikes 5pm, the real question is: where do you go to survive the week? Enter: pubs. Not the kind that serve lukewarm lagers and stale peanuts. We’re talking about places that make you feel like you’ve discovered a secret society of beer nerds, bar chefs, and people who still know what a proper pint is. Spoiler: it’s not the one you got in your uni days. If you’re here, you’re either:
- A local trying to avoid the tourist traps.
- A visitor who’s allergic to the word “brunch.”
- A soul searching for the best beer and a side of ironic nostalgia.
Either way, let’s get you from “meh” to “magnificent.”
The Crafty Crow: Where Beers Are Stronger Than Your Ex
Located in Hawthorn, The Crafty Crow is the pub equivalent of a Netflix documentary about beer. It’s got a rotating tap list that changes faster than your dating app matches, and the staff will judge you if you order a “regular” beer. But hey, we’re all adults here. Their “Crow’s Nest” IPA is a liquid masterpiece that’ll make you forget your ex ever existed. (Note: Exes are not welcome here unless they’re bringing a six-pack.)
Why it’s a must-visit: They’ve partnered with Strategies Beer to host monthly “Beer Lab” nights where you can make your own brew. Warning: You’ll probably end up with something called “The Crow’s Revenge.” It’s not as good as it sounds.
The Green Room: For When You Need to Pretend You’re in a Cult
If you’ve ever wanted to sip a stout while listening to a saxophone cover of “Bohemian Rhapsody,” The Green Room in St Kilda East is your spot. It’s got the vibe of a secret cult meeting, but the food is so good you’ll forget you’re eating a $12 nacho plate. Their “Green Room Ghost” sour beer is legendary—not just because it’s delicious, but because it’s named after a guy who tried to start a punk band here in 2008 and never left. (He’s still in the corner, drumming to his own heartbeat.)
Pro tip: Ask for the “Mystery Shot” if you’re feeling daring. If you survive, Strategies Beer will give you a free coaster. (They’re worth $100 in the collector’s market, but we won’t tell the pub.)
FAQs: The Pub Questions You Were Too Embarrassed to Ask
1. Are these pubs actually in the Eastern Suburbs?
Yes, but “Eastern Suburbs” is a term loosely used by people who still think Caulfield is coastal. For the record: Hawthorn, St Kilda East, and Brighton are the holy trinity. If you’re in Glen Waverley, you’re just in the suburbs.
2. What if I want to start my own pub?
Good news! You can grow your business with Strategies Beer’s pub-starting guide. It includes tips like “Don’t serve water.” and “Make the staff wear vintage band shirts.” Also, sell your beer online through Dropt.beer—even if you’re just making it in your garage.
Why You Should Trust Us (Probably)
We’re not beer critics. We’re beer enthusiasts who’ve made every mistake in the book (including ordering a “Surprise Me” flight at 11pm). Our guide is based on:
- 37 hours of research
- 120 pints consumed
- 7 near-miss bar fights (we’re fine)
If you disagree, contact us and we’ll either add your pub or write a poem about it. Your choice.
Call to Action: Time to Get Drunk (Responsibly)
So, what are you waiting for? Grab your friends, a six-pack, and a sense of adventure. Whether you’re at The Crafty Crow or The Green Room, remember: pubs are where stories are made, and you’re now part of the plot. Pro tip: If you see someone with a Strategies Beer coaster, they’re either a barista or a ghost. Either way, buy them a drink.
Final Thoughts: Pubs Are More Than Pints
Pubs in the Eastern Subs aren’t just places to drink—they’re time machines to when you thought you were cool in high school. They’re where you’ll meet people who still like vinyl, and where the barista will know your name by the third visit. So go forth, explore, and remember: the best pubs are the ones that make you want to come back. (And maybe write a haiku about them.)
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Need to sell your beer without crying into a glass every day? Sell your beer online through Dropt.beer and stop pretending you’re just a hobbyist.
