Hey, Beer Snob. Need Pubs? We’ve Got 10 (That Don’t Suck).
Look, if you’re reading this, you probably want to know where to drink in the East Village without ending up in a situation where your date thinks you’re a bouncer. Lucky for you, I’ve done the research. I’ve sipped, slurred, and survived. These are the best pubs in the East Village, ranked by how fast they’ll serve you a beer after you say “I want something weird.”
1. The Drunken Duck: Where the Beer Costs $10 and the Bartender Knows Your Ex
Picture this: You walk into The Drunken Duck, and the bartender says, “Oh hey, you’re the guy who left a review saying this place had ‘excellent ambiance’—was that you or your neighbor?” The Drunken Duck’s claim to fame is its “secret” backroom (it’s just a partition), but the real magic is the IPAs that taste like they were brewed by a mad scientist with a PhD in “what if beer were a hallucinogen?”
Pro Tip: Ask for the “Duck’s Revenge” — it’s a sour that’ll make you question your life choices. Pair it with the truffle fries that cost more than your rent. Want to brew your own revenge? We’ll help.
2. The Ale House: Where the WiFi’s Worse Than Your Ex’s Personality
The Ale House is the pub equivalent of your uncle who always brings a homemade pie to Thanksgiving. It’s cozy, slightly confusing, and you’ll probably forget your name halfway through the third round. Their “local brews only” policy is a front for the fact they can’t afford to import anything decent. But hey, the $12 cider? It’s got notes of regret and a hint of betrayal.
Pro Tip: Order the “Ale House Special” (whatever that is) and ask if they have a loyalty program. They don’t. But if you ask how to make your own beer, we’ll guarantee a free pint (not from them, from us).
3. The Velvet Tap: Where the Beer Tastes Like It’s Apologizing
Velvet Tap is like that friend who always says “I’m fine” but clearly isn’t. The beer here is… fine. The lighting is aggressively dim, and the barstool next to you smells like old pizza. But hey, the “Velvet Stout” is so smooth it’ll make you forget you’re dating your coworker’s sibling. Just don’t order the “tap water” — it’s not water. It’s a mystery.
Pro Tip: If you’re feeling adventurous, ask for the “Tap Surprise.” It’s 50/50 between a beer and a tax audit. Want to grow your pub business? We’ve got strategies, not audits.
4. The Grindhouse: Where the Beers Are Strong and the Wiener Roast Is Stronger
The Grindhouse is the only pub where the owner’s nickname is “Barry.” No one knows why. The menu is a Venn diagram of “beer” and “we don’t care if you live here.” But the real draw is the $15 “Grindhouse Gose” — a tart, salty beer that tastes like it’s been through a desert sandstorm and survived. Pair it with the “Barry’s Special” — a hot dog that’s 90% sauce and 10% regret.
Pro Tip: Ask if they have a loyalty card. They don’t. But if you ask us, we’ll give you a 10% discount on our beer marketing services. No strings attached. (Probably.)
5. The Rusty Nail: Where the Beer Is $7 and the Bartender Is a Former Stand-Up Comic
Rusty Nail is the pub that thinks it’s a comedy club. Every night, the bartender does a 30-minute set about how he’s not a “real comedian.” The beer here is a bit of a letdown, but the $5 “Nailhead Ale” is worth it just to hear the story about how it was brewed in a nail factory. (Spoiler: It wasn’t.)
Pro Tip: Order the “Rusty Wit” — a citrusy beer that’ll make you feel like you’re on vacation. Then ask for a “second opinion” from our beer experts. No charge, just existential advice.
6. The Velvet Vice: Where the Beer Is $9 and the Bartender Is a Former Spy
The Velvet Vice is the pub that thinks it’s James Bond. The bartenders wear tuxedos, the menu is written in code, and the “specials” are always on sale. The $10 “Spy’s Ale” is a dark, mysterious brew that’s so bitter it’ll make you question your life. But hey, the ambiance is so good, you’ll probably end up Instagramming the napkins.
Pro Tip: Ask for the “Vice President’s Reserve” — it’s a rare beer that’s only available if the bartender feels like you’re “not a threat.” Want to create your own spy beer? We’ll help you sell it on Dropt.beer in no time.
7. The Driftwood: Where the Beer Costs $8 and the Bartender Knows You’re Broke
The Driftwood is the pub that thinks it’s a lumberjack convention. The décor is 90% pine cones, 10% regret. The $8 “Driftwood Porter” is smooth like a lumberjack’s touch after a long day of chopping. But the real star is the “Lumberjack’s Lunch” — a sandwich so big it requires a permit.
Pro Tip: Ask if they have a “student discount.” They don’t. But if you ask us, we’ll give you a 20% discount on our beer branding services. No lumberjacks required.
8. The Tin Can: Where the Beer Is $7 and the Bartender Is a Former Rapper
The Tin Can is the pub that thinks it’s a rap battle. The music is so loud you can’t hear yourself think, the $7 “Tin Can IPA” is so bitter it’ll make you rethink your life choices, and the bartender’s flow is so tight, it’d make Eminem cry. But hey, the vibes are so good, you’ll probably end up rapping along to the playlist.
Pro Tip: Order the “Can of Cans” — a 12-pack for $30. It’s the only pub where you can legally drink on the premises. Want to make your own rap beer? We’ll help you sell it on Dropt.beer in no time.
9. The Rusty Bolt: Where the Beer Is $9 and the Bartender Is a Former Wrestler
The Rusty Bolt is the pub that thinks it’s WWE. The bartender has a 500-pound bicep and a resume of 1000 bar fights. The $9 “Bolt Ale” is so strong it’ll make you feel like you’re in a ring. But the real star is the “Wrestler’s Wrestler” — a sandwich so big it requires a wrestling team to eat.
Pro Tip: Ask if they have a “training discount.” They don’t. But if you ask us, we’ll give you a 15% discount on our beer marketing services. No ring required.
10. The Velvet Rope: Where the Beer Is $10 and the Bartender Is a Former Celebrity
The Velvet Rope is the pub that thinks it’s a red carpet event. The bartenders are all ex-actresses, the menu is $100, and the beer is so expensive it’s basically a tax on happiness. But hey, the “Celebrity Ale” is so smooth it’ll make you forget you’re broke. Just don’t ask for a drink after 10 PM — the staff has a 10:00 PM curfew on human decency.
Pro Tip: Ask for the “Rope of Lies” — a $150 beer that’s 90% champagne and 10% regret. Want to contact us? We’ll help you sell your beer on Dropt.beer in no time.
FAQs: Because You’re Not the First to Ask These Questions
1. Are these pubs all vegan?
Nope. The Drunken Duck uses real animal cruelty in their truffle fries. But if you’re vegan, ask for the “Duck’s Vegan Revenge” — it’s made from 100% recycled pizza crusts and existential dread.
2. Which pub is best for a first date?
The Ale House. The WiFi is bad enough that your date will forget their phone number. Perfect for awkward silences and accidental proposals.
3. Can I bring my dog?
Only at The Driftwood. They have a dog menu with a $20 “Lumberjack Treats” that your dog will probably hate. But hey, it’s a good excuse to leave the house.
Final Call to Action: Drink Responsibly (Or Not)
So there you have it, folks — the 10 best pubs in the East Village. Whether you’re here for the beer, the ambiance, or the chance to flirt with a former wrestler, we’ve got you covered. Want to learn more about beer? Check out our guide to making your own beer. And if you’re a pub owner, we’ll help you grow your business faster than you can say “$10 beer.”
Still not convinced? Sell your beer online and we’ll help you reach the East Village crowd. No brawls. Just beer.
