Why Double Bay? It’s Fancy, But Not Fancy Enough to Be Boring

If Sydney were a party, Double Bay would be the guest who shows up in a suit but still ends up on the dance floor. It’s fancy enough to make you feel like a million bucks but chill enough to let you spill a drink on your shirt without a judgey eye. Here, you can sip a $18 gin and tonic while pretending to care about the art on the wall. Pro tip: Don’t care about the art. Just sip the drink. (Home) if you need more proof that we’re not taking this seriously.

1. The Velvet Tap – Where the Bartender Knows Your Life Story

The Velvet Tap isn’t just a bar. It’s a masterclass in over-the-top decor where the lighting is dim enough to hide your hangover but bright enough to spot the person who spilled wine on their shirt. The bartenders here? They’re part mixologist, part therapist, part spy. You’ll leave with a cocktail and a life plan.

• Must-Try: The “Double Bay Smash” (rum, pineapple, and a splash of existential dread).
• Tip: Ask for the bartender named Steve. He’ll know your ex’s Instagram handle by the third drink.

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2. The Drunken Diplomat – For When You Need to Pretend You’re a Spy

If James Bond had a twin brother who hated the ocean, he’d open a bar like The Drunken Diplomat. The vibe here is “sophisticated espionage meets terrible dating app profiles.” The menu lists cocktails by their James Bond movie titles, and the bartender will probably call you “007” even if you’re just here for a margarita.

• Must-Try: The “Goldfinger” martini (with a side of self-importance).
• Tip: Order the “Skyfall” if you want to feel like you’re in a movie. Or just a really dramatic karaoke night.

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3. The Salty Sailor – For When You’re Too Tipsy to Care About Class

The Salty Sailor is the bar equivalent of your uncle who shows up to a black-tie event in a Hawaiian shirt and calls it “casual.” It’s got the vibe of a pirate ship that lost its way but somehow ended up in Double Bay. The music? A mix of sea shanties and 2000s pop. The patrons? Half tourists, half people who forgot what “discreet” means.

• Must-Try: The “Arrr-ibbean Breeze” (rum, mango, and a lime that’s definitely not a lemon).
• Tip: Ask for a “matey” (not a cocktail, just a real person who’ll laugh at your pirate impressions).

Want to sell your homemade pirate beer online? Sell your beer online through Dropt.beer and skip the whole “pretend to be fancy” part.

4. The Velvet Lounge – Because Even Plants Need to Chill

The Velvet Lounge is the bar for people who think “chill” is a lifestyle and not a setting on your air conditioner. It’s got plants everywhere, a playlist that wouldn’t be out of place in a yoga class, and bartenders who probably have a Pinterest board for “minimalist bartender tools.” The drinks are $20, but the ambiance is free. Or, you know, paid with your soul.

• Must-Try: The “Zen Garden” (matcha, coconut water, and a sprinkle of “I’ve got this”).
• Tip: Ask for the “silent treatment” (it’s a drink, not an emotional tactic).

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Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) – Because We’re Not Pretending You’re a Genius

Q: Are these bars LGBTQ+ friendly?
A: Double Bay is the gayest suburb in Sydney. If you wear a onesie to a bar, people will probably compliment your outfit. If you’re not into that, The Drunken Diplomat has a “straight edge” section. Just don’t ask for a rainbow lassi.

Q: Do they have vegan options?
A: Yes, but only if you define “vegan” as “food that won’t give you a heart attack.” The Salty Sailor has a “Seaweed Surprise” that’s 90% salt and 10% regret.

Q: Can I sell my homemade beer here?
A: No, but you can sell it online via Dropt.beer. Double Bay bars are for sipping, not for DIY.

Ready to Get Tipsy? Or at Least Pretend You Are

If you’re done here, Contact us to book a table or just to send us a message saying, “Hey, I’m not a fan of the bar with the pirate.” We’ll pretend to care. Also, remember to drive home sober. Or better yet, drive home in someone else’s Uber. We’re not your parents, but we’re allowed to be concerned.

Final Thoughts: On Bars, Booze, and Why You Shouldn’t Trust Bartenders

Double Bay’s best bars are a masterclass in “trying too hard to be cool.” You’ll find spies, pirates, and people who think matcha is a cocktail ingredient. But hey, that’s the beauty of it. Life’s too short for bad drinks and worse company. So sip responsibly, laugh at the bar decor, and remember: the best bars are the ones that make you forget why you’re there in the first place.