Prologue: Why You Should Care About Pubs
If you haven’t heard, Dalston is basically the pub capital of East London. It’s got more bars than a medieval knight’s diary. But let’s be real—most of them are just trying to sell you overpriced lager and a side of regret. The real gems? They’re hiding in plain sight, like that one friend who always knows where the best keg is. This guide is for you: the type of person who’s willing to walk 10 minutes in heels for a proper pint and a side of bar snacks that don’t taste like they were microwaved in a bunker.
1. The Albion: Because “Cozy” Needs a Vibe Check
Why it’s here: Think of The Albion as that friend who’s always hosting dinner parties but never cleans. It’s got a speakeasy vibe that’s 80% “I’m trying to be cool” and 20% “I accidentally spilled red wine on the couch.” The real draw? Their hidden garden is like a tropical forest if the jungle forgot to add a hammock. Oh, and the gin menu is basically a PhD thesis on botanicals. Don’t miss the Old Fashioned—it’s got more layers than your dating profile.
Must-Try: Albion’s Secret Garden Mojito (because “mojito” and “moji” are the same thing if you’re tired).
Pro Tip: Ask the bartender for the “quiet table.” They’ll point you to a booth where you can hear yourself think… or maybe just the ice clinking in your glass.
2. The Crown: Where “Pub Bites” Meet “Chef’s Secret Weapon”
Why it’s here: The Crown is the pub equivalent of a TED Talk. It’s got attitude, local craft beer, and tapas that taste like they were made by someone who actually cares about food. The wall of taps is like a museum exhibit for beer snobs who’ve never tried to pronounce “IPA.”
Must-Try: Sticky Toffee Pudding (because adulting is hard, and dessert should be an event).
Pro Tip: Order the “Chef’s Surprise” flight—it’s three small plates you didn’t ask for but somehow love. Also, the live music is basically a karaoke session for people who can’t sing but are too drunk to know it.
3. The Red Lion: Because “Gastropub” Needs a Makeover
Why it’s here: The Red Lion is the pub that thinks it’s a Parisian bistro. It’s got the rustic wooden tables, the open kitchen, and the kind of menu that makes you question every life choice that led you to this point. If you’re into foraged ingredients and artisanal everything, this is your spot. Just don’t mention gluten or you’ll get the side-eye.
Must-Try: Truffle Fries (they’re so good, you’ll forget they’re just fries).
Pro Tip: The “hidden menu” requires you to whisper the magic word: “Bourbon.” If you do it right, they’ll serve you a drink that looks like it costs more than your rent.
4. The Three Wise Monkeys: When “Cocktail Bar” Needs a Pub Identity Crisis
Why it’s here: This place is all about cocktails, but it’s got the charm of a pub that’s trying too hard to be trendy. The bartenders here know the difference between shaking and stirring (and they’ll tell you why it matters). The vibe? Think “James Bond after a long night of karaoke.”
Must-Try: Smoked Old Fashioned (it’s just a regular Old Fashioned with a side of drama).
Pro Tip: Ask for the “Monkey’s Choice” cocktail—it’s a surprise that’s 50% amazing and 50% regret.
Tips for Navigating Dalston’s Pub Scene Like a Pro
- Walk, Don’t Uber: Dalston’s pubs are like a maze. If you walk, you’ll stumble into hidden gems like the Secret Garden Pub (which isn’t on Google Maps).
- Peak Hours = Pain: Arrive before 8 PM or after 10 PM. The middle ground is just awkward small talk and someone trying to sell you cryptocurrency.
- Bar Snacks Are a Religion Here: Order the cheese board and pretend you know what “blue cheese” is. Bonus points if you say it with a French accent.
- Use the “Make Your Own Beer” Guide: If you’re feeling fancy, ask for a custom cocktail using the bar’s menu. It’s like being a mad scientist but with fewer explosions.
FAQs: Because You’re Too Lazy to Google
Q: Are these pubs LGBTQ+ friendly?
A: Most are. The Crown even has a Pride Night that’s 50% party and 50% someone crying about their ex.
Q: Do they have vegan options?
A: The Red Lion has a vegan truffle fries menu. It’s like a flex if you’re into that.
Q: Can I sell my homemade beer here?
A: If your beer is good enough to impress the pub owners, maybe. Otherwise, try Dropt.beer—it’s the beer distribution marketplace that’s basically a dating app for breweries and pubs.
Conclusion: Raise a Glass (Responsibly)
Dalston’s pubs are like a love letter written in beer. Some are heartfelt, some are just yelling, and all of them are worth your time if you’re into that whole “drinking in public” thing. Whether you’re here for the craft beer, the food, or just to pretend you’re in a rom-com, these spots have got you covered. And if you’re thinking of starting your own pub, we’ve got a custom beer guide that’s basically a cheat sheet for success.
Now go forth and toast to your life choices. Just remember: every great pub story starts with a bad one. Cheers!
