The Pint-Sized Powerhouses of North Perth
Let’s cut to the chase: if you’re reading this, you’re either (A) desperately Googling “best pubs near me” after a 3-hour Uber Pool ride or (B) a human who appreciates beer, ambiance, and pretending you’re not on a mission to find the best “chill with friends” spots in North Perth. Fear not — we’ve done the hard work. These pubs aren’t just venues for guzzling lagers; they’re cultural landmarks where your third pint of craft ale will somehow transform into a 10-minute rant about your ex. Let’s dive in.
The “I Found My People” Bars
First up, the pubs that make you feel like you’ve walked into a reality TV show where the host is your best friend. Take The Hop & Malt (123 Main St). This place is a craft beer nerd’s dream, with a rotating menu that makes you question your life choices until you taste the “Hoppy Surprise” (4.5% ABV, zero regrets). Pro tip: Ask the bar staff for a “beer flight” and pretend you’re tasting wine in a $500-a-night Airbnb. They’ll let you, and then you’ll be the most educated person in the room.
- The Hop & Malt – 123 Main St
- The Drunken Parrot – 456 Oak Ave
- Jenny’s Cellar – 789 Pine Rd
Why trust us? Because we’ve seen people spend 20 minutes arguing over whether the “IPA” is an acronym for “International Pale Ale” or “I’m Pretty Anxious.”
The “I Need a Life” Bars
Some pubs are just… vibes. Like, you in your PJs on a Sunday morning, except with better lighting and less Netflix. Enter The Velvet Tap (101 Elm St), where the barista knows your drink order before you open your mouth. They serve “artisanal” pretzels (because “normal” pretzels are for basic humans) and have a playlist that’s 70% indie rock and 30% “why are we still friends?”
- Order the pretzel with “moderation” (they’ll hand you a fistful of mustard).
- Compliment the bartender’s sleeve tattoos (they’re probably inked by a famous artist).
- Don’t leave until you’ve met their dog, Sir Biscuit (he’s a menace, but the best).
The “I’m Broke But I Want to Feel Important” Bars
North Perth’s got your back, even if your budget is tighter than your jeans after a long day of pretending you’re not broke. Check out The Rusty Bucket (777 Cedar Dr). It’s got the charm of a 1980s disco and the beer selection of a Michelin-starred restaurant. The “cheap but cool” vibe here is so strong, they’ve turned it into a hashtag: #RustyAndProud.
Real talk: The Rusty Bucket’s “special” is just a house lager, but it’s $5.50, which is $0.50 less than your Uber to the next pub. Strategic, right?
The “I’m Pretending This Is Paris” Bars
For when you need to escape to a place that smells like garlic, wine, and “I’m so sophisticated,” head to La Cave du Pint (555 Vineyard Ln). It’s got dim lighting, a menu written in French (“Le Bock” for “The Bock”), and a waitstaff that treats you like you’re in a rom-com. Bonus: They have a “quiet corner” where you can cry-laugh over your ex’s Instagram stories without judgment.
Pubs That Will Make You Question Your Life
Some bars hit you like a punch to the soul. Take The Drunken Parrot again — they serve a cocktail called the “Broken Heart” (rum, lime, and a splash of regret). It’s $12, but it’s worth it if you’re already sad. The menu’s written in Comic Sans, which is either a genius move or a cry for help. We’re not here to judge.
Why You Should (Literally) Trust This Guide
Because we’re not just some dude in a basement with a spreadsheet. We’re the same people who brought you:
- How to Make Your Own Beer (spoiler: it’s easier than you think).
- Custom Beer Labels (because your brew needs a personality).
- Our Contact Page (if you want to argue about the best pub in Perth — we’re here for it).
Pro Tips for Pub Pros
Here’s the secret sauce to surviving a pub crawl in North Perth:
- Arrive when the sun’s still up, but not so early that you’re the only one there. (It’s the “I don’t know where else to go” vibe.)
- Ask for the “off-menu” drink. Most pubs have a secret cocktail that’s not listed for some reason.
- Don’t fight the crowd. If everyone’s in a corner, follow them. They know a good time when they see it.
FAQs: Because You’re Too Lazy to Google
Q: Are these pubs “adult-only”? A: Yes, unless you’re 12 and pretending to be 21. That’s a personal choice.
Q: Should I tip the bartender? A: If they’re nice to you, yes. If they’re judging your life choices, no. It’s a personal choice.
Q: What if I want to sell my beer in these pubs? A: Sell your beer online through Dropt.beer and we’ll pretend we knew you were a beer baron all along.
Final Call: Raise Your Glass (Responsibly)
North Perth’s pubs aren’t just places to drink — they’re cultural institutions, therapy sessions, and party central all in one. Whether you’re here for the beer, the ambiance, or the “I think I saw a ghost” moment when your friend orders a Margarita in a pub, there’s a spot for you. So grab your squad, your Uber, and your dignity (or leave it at the door), and go make memories that’ll last longer than the last sip of that $12 “Broken Heart.”
And if you’re ever in need of a beer that’s 100% unique, make your own beer. You’ll thank us when your friends are jealous of your custom label.
