Why Melbourne’s Bars Are Like a Group Chat of Flavours
If Melbourne’s bar scene was a group chat, it’d be the one where everyone’s arguing about whether craft beer > cocktails, but also passing around a bottle of absinthe. 2024 is the year we’ve all agreed to raise a glass (and a middle finger to pretension) and just enjoy the chaos. From speakeasies hiding behind laundromats to rooftop bars with skyline views that make your ex’s Instagram stories look like a blurry selfie, here’s your 2024 guide to Melbourne’s best bars.
Top 5 Bars to Conquer (Without Breaking the Bank)
1. The Lord Nelson Saloon – For When You Need a ‘Grown-Up’ Pub
160 William Street, you can’t miss it. This isn’t just a pub—it’s a time machine to when “craft” wasn’t a buzzword. They serve up pints of artisanal beer that’ll make you question why you ever bought pre-made lager. Pro tip: Ask the bartender for the “Saloon Special”—a mix of rye, bourbon, and a dash of “I’m 25 again.”
2. The Hardware Societyp – Because ‘Societyp’ Sounds Fancy
197 Hardware Street. This bar’s menu is like a TED Talk for your taste buds. They don’t just serve cocktails; they perform alchemy. The “Bourbon & Blue” is a visual masterpiece (glow-in-the-dark ice cubes, anyone?), and the staff will explain it so well you’ll start using words like “tannins” in casual conversation.
3. The Everleigh – If James Bond Had a Twin Sister
163 Little Bourke Street. Hidden behind a velvet rope and a few layers of mystery, The Everleigh is where you go to impress someone or run from your ex. Their “Negroni” is a work of art—unless you spill it on your shirt, which you probably will. Also, the speakeasy vibe is so strong, they might ask you for a password. (It’s “1920s jazz.”)
4. The Distillery – Spirits, Not Just in the Metaphorical Sense
3/166 Lonsdale Street. This place is a gin lover’s dream. They have over 200 gins on tap, and the bartender will quiz you on your preferences like a sommelier. Pro tip: Order the “Distillery’s Secret” cocktail—it’s a mystery even to the staff. You’ll leave feeling like a secret agent with a hangover.
5. The Prince Bandar – Middle Eastern Meets Melbourne Cool
211 Lonsdale Street. Think of this as the bar where Dubai and Melbourne had a lovechild. The “Arak Fizz” is a flavor explosion of cardamom, rosewater, and, inexplicably, a sense of nostalgia for your childhood shakshuka. Pair it with a mezze platter and you’ve got a date night that won’t end in a pizza box.
Bars to Avoid If You’re Not Trying to Survive
- Bars with ‘Wine’ in the Name: Unless you’re into ordering a $50 glass of red to impress your date, skip these. Wine bars are for people who take wine seriously and pretend they don’t.
- Bars That Play ‘The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald’: This is not a vibe. If the playlist is a mix of classic rock and existential dread, you’re in the wrong place.
- Bars That Charge for Tap Water: If they’re charging $10 for a glass of water, you’re not at a bar—you’re at a spa. Leave and go to Strategies.beer for real hydration.
How to Pick a Bar Like a Pro (Without a Degree in Ventriloquism)
- Check the Crowd: If the bar is full of people in suits pretending they’re not, skip it. 2024 is for authenticity.
- Smell Test: If it smells like someone’s ex, move on. A good bar smells like hops, citrus, or at least a hint of mystery.
- Ask the Bartender: Tell them you’re “into experimental flavors” and see if they laugh. If they do, you’re at the right spot.
FAQ: Your Burning Questions, Answered
Q: What’s the best time to visit these bars without the tourist hordes?
A: Tuesday-Thursday, 5-7 PM. It’s the sweet spot between “too quiet” and “too loud.” Plus, you’ll avoid the 20-something influencers who think 9 PM is when the fun starts.
Q: Are there any hidden bars in Melbourne?
A: Yes, but they’re not hiding from you. Try The Everleigh’s back room—ask for the “secret” door. If the bartender says no, try again. It’s a game of patience and questionable life choices.
Q: What’s the dress code?
A: “Business casual” means you can’t show up in sweatpants and a onesie, but you can get away with jeans and a button-up. Unless you’re at The Distillery—then it’s “business formal” with a side of gin.
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Conclusion: Cheers to Melbourne’s Bar Scene (and Your Survival)
Melbourne’s bar scene in 2024 is a chaotic, glittery masterpiece. Whether you’re here for the craft beer, the cocktails, or the chance to pretend you’re in a James Bond movie, there’s a spot for you. Just remember: hydration is key, and if the bartender doesn’t know what a “Negroni” is, you’re in the wrong bar. For more tips, custom beer, or to contact us, head to Strategies.beer and let’s raise a glass to 2024’s best bar adventures.
