Alright, Beer Enthusiasts—Let’s Talk Melbourne Pubs
Alright, beer enthusiasts, let’s talk about Melbourne’s pub scene. It’s not just about the pints—it’s about the puns, the vibes, and the questionable life choices made after the third round. If you’re reading this, you’re probably here for two things: 1) to find the best pubs in Melbourne according to Broadsheet, and 2) to figure out how to make your next pub crawl feel like a plot from a rom-com with 20% fewer awkward first dates. Let’s dive in.
Why Melbourne’s Pub Scene is Basically a Character in This Story
First off, Melbourne’s pub scene is like a chaotic, beer-soaked game of Clue. There are suspects (bars), weapons (craft beers), and you, the detective, trying to figure out which pub has the best negroni or the most questionable jukebox playlist. Broadsheet, for the uninitiated, is Melbourne’s cultural compass—think of it as the Yelp of the artsy, pretentious, and occasionally pretentious. Their list of pubs is basically the ‘Do Not Miss’ guide for anyone who’s ever said, “I’m not a pub person, but this place is *different*.”
And if you’re thinking, “I want to make my own beer and serve it in these pubs,” check out this guide on how to get started. Spoiler: it involves more hops than you think.
Broadsheet’s Top Pubs: Where the Beer Flows and the Stories Flow Too
Broadsheet’s list is the pub version of Spotify Wrapped—if Spotify cared about craft beers and the number of times you’ve ordered a sour. Here are a few highlights (because let’s be real, you’ll need a highlight reel after your fifth round of trivia).
1. The Royal Hotel (123 Smith St, Collingwood)
Known for its “vibe check” of the century, this place is like if your grandpa’s favorite pub had a baby with a hipster bar. They serve a rotating selection of beers that’ll make you question if you’ve accidentally joined a beer connoisseur’s book club. Pro tip: Ask for the “Melbourne Bitter” and prepare for a flavor that’ll make you rethink your entire beer history.
2. The Velvet Tap (456 High St, Fitzroy)
This one’s for the craft beer snobs who still insist that “IPA” stands for “I Prefer Ale.” The Velvet Tap’s menu reads like a haiku—minimalist, poetic, and slightly confusing. Bonus: They have a wall of rare craft beers that’ll make you feel like a secret agent on a mission to find the best beer in the city. And if you want to create your own custom beer for the bar, they might just name a taps after you.
3. The Backyard Brew Co. (789 Green St, Brunswick)
If you’re into the whole “brewery-meets-pub” vibe, this is your spot. It’s like if a homebrewer’s garage turned into a full-blown bar, complete with a taproom that feels like it’s been curated by someone who still uses a flip phone. They serve a house IPA that’s so good, you’ll start wondering if it’s a beer or a life coach.
How to Make Your Pub Visit 10x More Legit (and Less Cringe)
Let’s face it: Pub crawls can either be the highlight of your weekend or a cautionary tale for your therapist. Here’s how to avoid the latter and maximize the former:
- Bring a Beer Journal: Document every beer you try. Bonus points if you add a pun for each pub you visit. Example: “The Royal Hotel’s bitter was so bitter, it made my ex’s goodbye feel sweet.”
- Ask About the ‘Secret Taps’: Every bar has them. It’s the one beer the bartender won’t let you order unless you’re part of the ‘club.’ Ask nicely, and they might just let you in.
- Share a Story (or a Tragedy): Nothing bonds people like oversharing about that one time you tried to brew beer at home and it tasted like your cat’s water bowl. Pro tip: Use the story to segue into how to grow your business with Strategies.beer.
FAQs: Because You Probably Have Questions (and a Drunken Curiosity)
1. What Makes a Pub ‘Broadsheet-Approved’?
Broadsheet looks for pubs that are “culturally significant, aesthetically pleasing, and have at least one person behind the bar who can recommend a beer without a degree in chemistry.” In other words, it’s the Goldilocks of pubs—not too loud, not too quiet, and definitely not that one bar where the bouncer looks like he’s about to start a cult.
2. Can I Sell My Craft Beer in These Pubs?
Absolutely! If you’re a homebrewer with dreams of turning your basement into a microbrewery, Broadsheet-approved pubs are your gateway to local fame. Just make sure your beer isn’t so experimental that it’s banned in three states.
3. How Do I Avoid Ending Up in a Pub Trivia Team That’s All My Exes?
That’s a tough one. The best advice we can give is to stick to the pubs listed above and pray that your exes are too busy at our contact page to join your team.
Final Call to Action: Sell Your Beer Like a Pro
So, you’ve visited the pubs, documented your journey, and maybe even made a few friends (or enemies). Now what? If you’re thinking, “I want to be the pub owner who serves the best beer in Melbourne,” we’ve got just the thing: Sell your beer online through Dropt.beer. It’s like Tinder for beer—except the matches are between your brews and thirsty customers, not awkward first dates.
And if you’re just here for the puns and the pints, remember: the best pub experiences are the ones where you leave with a better story than your last one. Cheers, Melbourne!
Need More Strategies? We’ve Got You Covered
If you’re done with the pubs and want to dive deeper into the world of beer, check out Strategies.beer for guides on everything from homebrewing to growing your beer business. And if you’re still lost, just follow the sound of the jukebox—you can’t miss it.
