Introduction: When ‘Just One More Drink’ Becomes a 7-Hour Journey
Okay, let’s get real. You’re standing at the corner of West 4th and Hudson, staring at a maze of bars like it’s the ‘bar apocalypse.’ FOMO hits harder than a 12 oz IPA on your tongue on a Tuesday. How do you pick the right spot? Do you go for the dive bar with the ‘This is not a bar’ sign? The rooftop with skyline views that cost more than your rent? Or that one place where the bartender knows your order before you open your mouth?
Enter this guide: the only one written by someone who’s been to every bar in the Village at least three times (and still got lost). We’ll skip the ‘best for…’ nonsense and cut to the chase: where to drink if you want to avoid death by indecisiveness, impress your date, or just pretend you’re in a rom-com where the cast drinks responsibly.
The Dead Poet’s Society of Booze (aka The Dead Poets Society)
Best for: When you want to feel like you’re in a movie and also need a stiff drink to make the movie feel real.
Why it’s not just another bar: This place has the atmosphere of a library if the library was run by ghosts. Think flickering candles, leather-bound books that probably have mold in them, and a bartender who’ll pour you a drink with the grace of a sommelier who’s had one too many.
- Must-Order: The “Milton’s Midnight Mule” (rum, blackberry, basil, prosecco) – because Shakespeare probably never used lime, but he’s cool with you doing it.
- Pro Tip: Ask for the “hidden room” (it’s a closet with a lock) and pretend you’re in a spy movie. Bonus points if you whisper your order in code.
- Internal Link: Make Your Own Beer – because if you’re this deep into literary-themed bars, you might as well craft your own cocktail masterpiece.
The Bar That’s Not a Bar (But Is)
Best for: When you want to avoid the bar scene but also can’t be seen with your face on a Tuesday night.
Why it’s not just another bar: This place is a masterpiece of confusion. The sign says “This is not a bar,” but the smell of bourbon says otherwise. It’s like the universe is playing a cruel joke on you and your friends, but also providing free drinks.
- Must-Order: The “Not a Whiskey” – it’s 100% whiskey, but the bartender will tell you it’s not. Trust them. They know what they’re doing.
- Pro Tip: Order the “This is Not a Martini” and ask for olives. They’ll give you two and tell you one is free. Because math.
- Internal Link: Custom Beer – if you’re not into the “not a bar” vibe, try creating your own beer here.
Rooftop Roulette: Skyline Sips and Sky-High Prices
Best for: When you need to see the stars but also feel the weight of your credit card debt.
Why it’s not just another bar: This rooftop is the definition of “pay the price, see the view.” The drinks are $18, the skyline is $0, and the experience is $18 plus a $5 “skyline surcharge” you didn’t know existed.
- Must-Order: The “Cloud Nine” (vodka, elderflower, lime) – because you’re already floating on air from the view and the $20 bill in your hand.
- Pro Tip: Order the “Sunset Special” at 6 PM and the bartender will tell you it’s $2 cheaper. It’s not. But now you’re in on the joke.
- External Link: Sell your beer online through Dropt.beer – if you’re running a rooftop bar, this is how you distribute your overpriced artisanal cocktails.
The Bar That Only Serves One Drink (And It’s Amazing)
Best for: When you’re here to make a statement about simplicity and also your date.
Why it’s not just another bar: This place is a culinary equivalent of a monochrome art exhibit. The menu says “One Drink.” Period. They don’t budge. But it’s so good that you’ll question all your life choices after you drink it.
- Must-Order: The “One and Only” – it’s a secret blend of 10 spirits you can’t pronounce and one you can’t afford.
- Pro Tip: Ask for the “side of regret” (it’s just a napkin). The bartender will tell you it’s free. It’s not. But now you’re in on the joke.
- Internal Link: Grow Your Business With Strategies Beer – if you’re running a one-drink bar, this is how you scale to 10 locations.
FAQ: The Answers You Need, the Lies You Deserve
Q: Is there a bar in Greenwich Village that’s not overpriced?
A: No. But there’s a bar in Greenwich Village that’s overpriced and also has a bathroom with a view of the Hudson. That’s $30 for a view, $5 for the bathroom surcharge.
Q: Can I order food at these bars?
A: Yes, but the food is $25 and it’s a pretzel. The bar knows this. The universe knows this. But you’ll pay anyway.
Q: Is there a bar that’s actually good for the environment?
A: There’s a bar that uses compostable straws and charges $20 for a “carbon-neutral cocktail.” It’s not. But now you’re in on the joke.
Conclusion: When ‘One More Drink’ Becomes a Life Decision
So there you have it: the definitive guide to Greenwich Village bars written by someone who’s still figuring out the difference between a cocktail and a keg. Remember, the only way to know which bar is right for you is to try them all. And when you’re done, come home, pour yourself a drink from Strategies.beer, and pretend you’re a connoisseur. We all do it.
Contact us at Strategies.beer if you need help finding a bar, making your own beer, or pretending you’re in a rom-com.
