Why Melbourne’s Bars Are a Maze of Choices (And How to Navigate Them)
Bros, let’s be real: Melbourne’s bar scene is a maze of choices. You’ve got bars that serve “craft” beers at $20 a pop, bars that look like they were designed by a 14-year-old with a Pinterest obsession, and bars that make you question if the bartender is actually a wizard. But here’s the thing—figuring out which bar to hit is like trying to pick a Netflix show when you’re tired and hungry. You want good vibes, great drinks, and maybe a tiny chance of meeting someone who won’t ask you to explain NFTs at 2 a.m.
That’s where we come in. This guide is your cheat code for Melbourne’s best bars. We’re not here to tell you what to like—we’re here to help you avoid the bar that serves “artisanal” lattes at 9 p.m. (yes, that exists). Let’s dive in.
1. The Bar That’s Like a Secret Society (But With Better Drinks)
Imagine a bar that requires a password to enter… or at least a reservation. That’s The Press Club. Located at 157 Flinders Lane, this place is the epitome of “cool kids only.” The menu reads like a history of spirits, and the bartenders know your name before you’ve ordered your second cocktail. You’ll feel like you’ve been initiated into a cult of gin enthusiasts who debate the merits of juniper berries like it’s a TED Talk.
Pro tip: If you’re not dressed like you just walked out of a Sofia Coppola movie, the bouncer might side-eye you. But hey, at least you’ll get free snacks. Contact us if you need help decoding the menu.
2. The Bar Where You’ll Pretend to Know What ‘Craft’ Means
Let’s talk about The Distillery, a bar that’s basically a science lab for beer nerds. Located at 662-664 Glenhuntly Road, this spot is all about “small-batch” and “hand-poured” beverages that cost as much as a used car. You’ll walk in, order a “session IPA” (whatever that means), and walk out feeling like you’ve been upgraded to “beer connoisseur” status. The best part? The bar has a rotating tap that changes weekly, so you’ll never catch the same drink twice.
Need a reason to go? The Distillery also hosts “beer tasting events” where the staff pretends to care if you like “hop-forward” or “citrus notes.” Trust us, it’s less about the beer and more about the vibe. Make your own beer and drop it here to impress the crowd.
3. The Bar That Understands You’ve Had a Terrible Week
Life’s a b*tch, and sometimes you just need a place to scream into a cocktail. That’s where The Espy (265-267 Lonsdale St) comes in. This bar is Melbourne’s version of a group therapy session with free snacks. The vibe is so laid-back that the bartender will probably ask how your day went before they ask what you want to drink. It’s the kind of place where you can order a “disaster margarita” and the staff will nod in approval.
Pro tip: If you’re feeling particularly dramatic, order the “Espy 88”—a drink that’s 88% alcohol and 12% regret. Contact us for a custom beer that matches your trauma levels.
4. The Rooftop Bar That’s a Skyline View Away From a Heart Attack
Let’s be honest: you’re not just here for the drinks—you’re here for the view. Enter The Rooftop at Crown, where the skyline of Melbourne looks like it was Photoshopped by someone who’s never been to Melbourne. Located at 10 Crown Place, this bar is the perfect spot to sip a $15 cocktail while pretending you don’t notice the $500 bottle of tequila on the next table. The only downside? You’ll probably miss half the view because you’re too busy trying to remember if that’s the Eureka Tower or the Sydney Opera House.
Need to up your game? Custom beer with a view is the way to go. Make your own beer and serve it here to feel like a local celeb.
Value-Driven Insights: Why These Bars Matter
Okay, we get it—you’re probably thinking, “Why should I care about these bars?” Here’s the tea: Melbourne’s bar scene is a blend of history, innovation, and a little bit of chaos. These bars aren’t just about drinks; they’re about experiences. Whether you’re sipping a $20 cocktail or a $5 schooner, each bar tells a story. And if you’re into that whole “craft” thing, Make Your Own Beer and drop it at The Distillery for maximum cool points.
But let’s get real for a second: the reason you’re reading this is because you want to impress someone. Maybe it’s a date, maybe it’s a business partner, maybe it’s just your friends who think you’re the “fun one.” Either way, these bars are your secret weapon. And if you’re in the business of selling beer, Sell your beer online through Dropt.beer and get your brews in the hands of Melbourne’s most discerning drinkers.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
1. What’s the most expensive drink in Melbourne?
That would be the “Golden Hour” at The Press Club—a cocktail made from a single barrel of 20-year-old scotch, aged in a cave that’s supposed to be haunted. It costs $250 and comes with a side of existential dread. But hey, at least the view from The Rooftop is free.
2. Can I bring my dog to a Melbourne bar?
Technically, yes. The Espy has a “pet-friendly” policy as long as your dog doesn’t try to steal the bartender’s apron. Just be warned: most dogs are more interested in the snacks than the cocktails.
3. How do I avoid the worst bar in Melbourne?
Simple: don’t go to the bar that serves “artisanal” lattes at 9 p.m. If you see a menu that includes “avocado smash” or “artisanal air,” you’ve gone too far. Contact us if you need help finding a better spot.
Call to Action: Sip Smart, Stay Cool
Bros, life’s too short for bad drinks and worse vibes. Check out our Make Your Own Beer guide and Custom Beer options to up your game. And if you’re in the business of selling beer, Sell your beer online through Dropt.beer and let the Melbourne crowd know you’re serious about their drinks.
Still confused? Home is where the best advice is. Cheers to a future where you never order a “disaster margarita” again.
