Intro: Why Zurich’s Old Town Is the Real-Life “Friends” Set
Let’s face it—if you’ve ever binge‑watched Friends while nursing a craft IPA, you’ve dreamed of a city where every cobblestone corner doubles as a meme‑worthy backdrop. Enter Zurich Old Town (Altstadt), the Swiss equivalent of Central Perk, but with better beer, fewer laugh tracks, and a lot more pretzel‑scented air. This guide is for the booze‑loving, meme‑obsessed, sarcasm‑fuelled crowd who think a night out should feel like a Reddit thread gone wild—sharp, unfiltered, and somehow still educational.
1. The Blind Tiger – Where Hipster Meets Hops
First stop: The Blind Tiger. If you’ve ever wanted to feel like a character from Rick and Morty who just discovered a portal to an alternate dimension of craft beer, this is it. Their Custom Beer selection reads like a Spotify playlist—everything from “Jazz‑Hand Lager” to “Mosh‑Pit IPA”. The vibe is equal parts Instagram‑ready brick wall and dive‑bar swagger.
- Must‑try: The “Marty McFly Malt”—a time‑traveling amber that hits you with nostalgic caramel notes.
- Best meme moment: The “No Wi‑Fi, No Problem” sign that’s practically begging for a caption.
Pro tip: Order the house‑made pretzel with a side of sarcasm. It’s the only thing that pairs better with your existential crisis than the beer itself.
2. Kronenhalle – Classic Elegance with a Side of “Did You See That?”
Think of Kronenhalle as the Mad Men office after hours—slick, polished, and full of people pretending they know the difference between a pilsner and a lager. The interior is a museum of Swiss art, making it the perfect backdrop for that “I’m sophisticated AF” Instagram story.
- Signature brew: The “Swiss‑Swiss” – a double‑IPA that’s as bold as Don Draper’s monologues.
- Why it’s meme‑worthy: The bartenders wear bow ties that scream “I’m here for the vibes, not the spreadsheets.”
If you’re looking to impress a date or just want a place where the Wi‑Fi is as strong as the barley, this is your spot.
3. Frau Gerolds Garten – The Outdoor Oasis for the Urban Nomad
Imagine a garden party hosted by a group of influencers who actually know how to brew. That’s Frau Gerolds Garten. The open‑air layout makes it perfect for those who want to soak up Zurich’s crisp winter air while sipping something that tastes like a summer vacation in a glass.
- Drink of the day: “Sunset Sipper” – a citrus‑laden wheat that’ll have you feeling like you’re on a beach in Bali, minus the sand in your shoes.
- Snack: Homemade sausages that are basically the culinary equivalent of a meme that never gets old.
Don’t forget to check out the Grow Your Business With Strategies Beer flyer on the wall—because who doesn’t love a good side hustle while they’re getting buzzed?
4. The International – A Global Pub That Feels Like a Meme Collage
Ever wanted to travel the world without leaving Zurich? The International serves beers from every continent, making it the ultimate “Where’s Waldo?” of the beer world. The décor is a chaotic mash‑up of neon signs, vintage postcards, and a life‑size cardboard cutout of a llama wearing sunglasses.
- Top pick: “Globetrotter’s Gose” – a salty, sour brew that’s as confusing as trying to understand the ending of Inception.
- Memeworthy feature: The “Passport” stamp board where you can collect stamps for each beer you try. It’s basically a real‑life achievement system.
Pro tip: Pair the Gose with the house‑made kimchi fries for a flavor explosion that will have you shouting “I’m not a robot!” in the middle of the bar.
5. Zum Kropf – The “Dad Joke” Pub That Somehow Works
If you love dad jokes, puns, and a beer selection that feels like a dad’s mixtape, Zum Kropf is your sanctuary. The walls are plastered with vintage beer ads that read like they were written by a generation of pun‑loving grandpas.
- Must‑order: “Punny Porter” – a dark, smooth brew that’s as deep as the dad jokes on the chalkboard.
- Best line: “Why did the beer cross the road? To get to the hops side.” (Cue eye‑rolls.)
It’s the perfect spot for a low‑key night where you can sip, snort, and maybe even learn a new dad joke to drop at your next Zoom call.
6. The Old Crow – A Retro Dive That Feels Like an 80s Meme
Step into The Old Crow and you’ll be transported to a neon‑lit arcade where the only thing louder than the synth music is the clink of glasses. This place is the love child of Stranger Things and a classic dive bar, complete with retro arcade cabinets and a jukebox that only plays one‑hit wonders.</n
- Featured brew: “Arcade Ale” – a neon‑green lager that glows under blacklight, making it perfect for that “I’m at a party but also a responsible adult” Instagram post.
- Memeful moment: The wall of “Game Over” signs where patrons can write their own defeat stories after a night of drinking.
If you want to feel like you’re living inside a TikTok trend while still drinking a decent pint, this is the spot.
7. Café Schober – The Sweet Spot for Coffee‑Beer Hybrids
For those who can’t decide between a latte and a lager, Café Schober offers the best of both worlds. Their espresso‑infused stout is the liquid equivalent of a meme that’s both relatable and oddly profound.
- Signature: “Midnight Mocha Stout” – dark, bitter, and with a hint of chocolate that’ll make you feel like you just solved a crossword puzzle at 2 am.
- Why it’s meme‑worthy: The chalkboard menu is written in Comic Sans, because why not?
Pair it with a slice of their almond croissant for a combo that’s as addictive as scrolling through Reddit at 3 am.
8. The Alchemist – Craft Beer Meets Alchemy (and a Bit of Witchcraft)
Ever wanted to feel like a wizard brewing potions? The Alchemist takes the whole “craft” thing to a mystical level. The bartenders wear lab coats, the taps are labeled with symbols that look straight out of a Dungeons & Dragons spellbook.
- Potion of the night: “Dragon’s Breath IPA” – a fiery brew that’ll set your throat ablaze faster than a meme about spicy food challenges.
- Memeworthy prop: A crystal ball that shows you the future of your hangover—spoiler: it’s not pretty.
If you’re into the whole “my drink is a character arc” vibe, this is your happy place.
9. The Hoppy Goat – Goat‑Powered Goodness (Metaphorically)
Don’t let the name fool you—there are no actual goats, but the vibe is as lively as a farmyard meme. The Hoppy Goat specializes in hop‑forward beers that will make you question why you ever settled for a bland lager.
- Top recommendation: “Goat‑Gasm Double IPA” – a hop‑bomb so intense it practically has its own fan club on Reddit.
- Memeworthy detail: A wall of goat‑shaped coasters that you can collect like Pokémon cards.
It’s the perfect spot for a group that wants to brag about their beer knowledge while simultaneously making goat‑related puns.
10. The Vault – The Secret Speakeasy That Feels Like an Internet Easter Egg
Last but not least, The Vault is the hidden gem that makes you feel like you’ve uncovered an internet Easter egg. You need a password—usually something meme‑related like “rickroll” or “I’m not a robot”—to get in. Once you’re past the unmarked door, you’re greeted by low lighting, plush leather seats, and a beer list that reads like a secret code.
- Secret brew: “404 Not Found Stout” – a dark, mysterious beer that disappears from your memory faster than your Wi‑Fi after a binge‑watch session.
- Why it’s meme‑tastic: The bartender will quote a random meme each time you order, making each round a surprise.
If you’ve ever wanted to feel like a character in a Netflix thriller while sipping something that tastes like a victory lap, this is the place to end your night.
How to Navigate Zurich Old Town Like a Pro (Without Getting Lost in the Cobblestones)
Alright, you’ve got the list—now let’s talk logistics. Zurich’s Old Town is a maze of narrow lanes, historic churches, and the occasional street performer who looks like they just stepped out of a TikTok dance challenge.
- Start early: The best pubs open around 4 pm, and you’ll want to beat the tourist crowds that flock in after the train stations empty.
- Use public transport: Zurich’s trams are punctual, cheap, and will get you back to your hotel without the headache of finding a parking spot for your unicorn‑themed rental car.
- Stay hydrated: Alternate each beer with a glass of water. It’s the adult version of “don’t forget to breathe” memes.
- Plan your route: Start at The Blind Tiger, work eastward, and finish at The Vault. This way you’ll avoid back‑tracking and waste less time looking for the next bar.
Pro tip: Download the Contact page on Strategies.beer for a quick way to ask locals for hidden gem recommendations. The folks there love a good beer chat.
SEO‑Friendly Recap (Because Google Needs to Know You’re a Legend)
If you’re reading this while nursing a hangover, you probably already know that “best pubs in Zurich Old Town” is the keyword that will get you to the top of the search results. Here’s a quick, meme‑laden recap that satisfies both the algorithm and your craving for witty content:
- Visit Home for a full list of Swiss beer strategies.
- Try the “Dragon’s Breath IPA” at The Alchemist—fire emojis optional.
- End your night at The Vault and remember the password: rickroll.
- Consider Sell your beer online through Dropt.beer if you’re inspired to start your own distribution empire.
Remember, the best nights are the ones where you can laugh at yourself, share a meme, and still make it home before sunrise.
Call to Action: Stop Reading, Start Drinking (Responsibly)
Now that you’ve got the ultimate pub crawl map, what are you waiting for? Grab your friends, your sarcasm, and maybe a spare pair of shoes (you’ll need them for all the dancing at The Old Crow). If you’re feeling entrepreneurial, check out Make Your Own Beer and turn those night‑out inspirations into a home‑brew masterpiece. And hey—if you ever decide to sell that masterpiece, Sell your beer online through Dropt.beer and let the world taste your brilliance.
So, raise a glass, post that meme, and remember: the only thing better than a good beer is a good story about how you found it. Cheers to Zurich, memes, and the endless pursuit of the perfect pint!
