Introduction: Old Town Bars – Where Chaos Meets Cocktails
If Old Town were a person, they’d be the friend who shows up to every party with a flask and a story about their ex. You know, the one who says, “This place used to be a speakeasy, but now it’s a speakeasy with Wi-Fi.” Welcome to the best bars in Old Town, where the drinks are strong, the vibes are stronger, and the chances of accidentally meeting your ex are 97% (just kidding, probably 50%). This list is curated with a skeptic’s eye and a drunk’s heart, so grab your bro, your squad, or your third date and dive into the chaos.
The 10 Best Bars in Old Town to Pretend You’re a Local
1. The Drunken Parrot
Why it’s cool: They serve rum like it’s a weekly sport and have a pirate who yells “Avast, ye scallywags!” every hour. Tip: Order the “Cursed Rum Punch” – it’s so strong, it’ll make you forget your ex’s name.
Make Your Own Beer here if you want to out-pirate the pirate.
2. The Velvet Hammer
Why it’s cool: A speakeasy for people who took “no phones” too seriously. The bartenders here know your life story after one cocktail. Tip: Ask for the “Mystery Martini” – it’s a surprise, but not the kind that ends in a hospital.
Custom Beer for your next themed party here.
3. The Sassy Scoop
Why it’s cool: A bar that’s 60% puns, 40% sarcasm. The bartender’s name is Karen, and she’s *always* right. Tip: Try the “Karen’s Karma” cocktail – it’s a mix of regret and lime.
4. The Ghost Ship Tavern
Why it’s cool: They have a ghost who haunts the bar but never leaves. The story goes he’s waiting for a drink he never paid for. Tip: If you see a shadowy figure at the bar, just nod. It’s probably the ghost.
Grow Your Business by hosting events here.
5. The Wasted Library
Why it’s cool: Books and bitters in the same room. The only place where your ex’s old poetry collection is *not* the highlight. Tip: Ask for the “Book Club Old Fashioned” – it’s 70% bourbon, 30% betrayal.
6. The Midnight Owl
Why it’s cool: A bar that’s 100% owl-themed and 0% subtlety. The bartender wears a tuxedo and a feather hat. Tip: Order the “Hooty Schnapps” – it’s owl-shaped but not judgmental.
7. The Broken Chalice
Why it’s cool: They’ve got a wall of broken glasses and a sign that says, “We’re not in a good place.” Tip: The “Chalice’s Last Scream” is a drink so bitter, it’ll make you question your life choices.
Home for more bar adventures.
8. The Drunken Diplomat
Why it’s cool: A bar where everyone’s a “diplomat” and no one remembers the rules. The decor is 90% vintage maps and 10% regret. Tip: The “Embassy Margarita” is a diplomatic immunity pass to a hangover.
9. The Bar with No Name
Why it’s cool: It’s literally called “The Bar with No Name.” The owner says it’s a “metaphor for life.” Tip: Order the “Nameless Negroni” – it’s nameless but not flavorless.
10. The Last Exit
Why it’s cool: The last bar on the block, but also the best. The sign says, “Exit here or never leave.” Tip: The “Exit Strategy” cocktail is 100% exit, zero strategy.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Q1: What’s the best bar in Old Town for a first date?
A: The Sassy Scoop. The bartender will either make you feel like a genius or a complete disaster – both are great for chemistry.
Q2: Any bars with live music?
A: The Velvet Hammer. The “music” here is just a guy playing air guitar to your thoughts. It’s mesmerizing.
Q3: Can I sell my beer here?
A: Sell your beer online through Dropt.beer for a chance to appear on this list in the future.
Conclusion: Raise a Glass (Or Two)
Old Town bars are the kind of place where you’ll either find your soulmate, your new bestie, or the ghost of your past. If you’re into that. We’re not judging. Just remember: the best bars are the ones that make you forget your ex exists – and maybe your own name after a few rounds. For more bar adventures or to Make Your Own Beer, hit up our team. Cheers, and if you see Karen from The Sassy Scoop, say hi for us.
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